In December we did our last round of infertility medications. I spent a little time grieving the loss of a child I never had. Bryan didn’t know how to help and I didn’t know how to voice what I was feeling. Bryan did an excellent job of being emotionally available and a listening ear. That was a huge accomplishment for him as he had become so emotionally vacant after being wounded.
We were going to move on … but I didn’t know to how at first.
I resolved pretty quickly to being childless. We were already abnormal in the civilian world because of his injuries and now we didn’t have children. The question that everyone asks, “Do you have kids?” became more and more painful to answer. I just started telling the truth.
“We can’t have kids.”
I started making big plans for 2013. I made plans to see friends, went skiing and booked a very adventurous trip to Costa Rica. I hid everyone on Facebook that was pregnant so I wouldn’t be painfully reminded of how I can’t have one of my own.
I knew I was going to move on. I always had and would continue to do so with grace and humility. Because of infertility, I was thankful for what I learned about my marriage, my friends and myself. If I had to experience infertility at least I could help others by sharing my story.
And then came the news we were almost too afraid to hope for.
Our baby is due September, 2013.
Below is a video of our journey through infertility.