Thursday, December 13, 2012

When Reality Slaps You In The Face…Again

Most days I try to not think about the fact that Bryan was injured. We go about our days and, for the most part, I am not starkly reminded that he is wounded. The adaptations we made for his injury have become routine. Now, we don’t even think about the fact that we rearrange our daily life to make it easier on him.

Every now and then I see the scars on his legs and am quickly reminded of that horrible day he was injured. Often, walking the dogs in the evening is too painful for him after a long day’s work. While these moments aren’t a huge deal, they are a slight reminder of where we have been.

At times though, I feel like I am being slapped in the face by his injuries.

A few months ago, we attended a wounded warrior event in West Virginia. We were around people that understood and that is always comforting. At events like this, I am reminded of how far he has come but, at the same time, I sometimes feel he hasn’t progressed as much as I thought. That reality can feel like a giant slap.

During the event, we went to a loud Italian restaurant and were sitting at a double-sided bar so we could fit all the warriors and their spouses at the table. Everyone else was engrossed in conversation but my husband was staring at a football game on TV. He doesn’t even watch football so I knew the noise and conversations were just too much. He wasn’t participating and it feels pretty awkward when he isn’t talking and everyone else is.

All these other guys were doing so well, talking with others. The fact that they are all wounded probably made conversation easier. Bryan, however, was just zoned out. I tried to not focus on it and continued speaking with old and new friends.

He has progressed enough to the point where he can sit in a restaurant, and that is great. Previously, he would have sat there with a look of panic on his face. I am grateful for the progress he has made.

But in those moments of obvious disconnect, when the injuries take over, I am bluntly reminded that our life will never be the same.


KrippledWarrior said...

I love your courage and devotion to your cause. You would have made a great shipmate.

Sarah said...

Even though the other guys are doing "well" on the outside, it doesn't mean they are on the inside. I know my husband can appear to be doing fine to everyone else, but I know he's not.

Belinda Jett said...

You are stronger than you think. Live one day at a time and thank the Lord for every day. I will pray for you both. Merry Christmas to you and God Bless.

texlilo said...

You are so amazing and an inspiration to me. *hugs* Thank you for sharing your experience.

Ashleigh said...

I have experienced the same "zoning out". At christmas when after dinner we sit down to play a game and he has had too much and has to leave the room- I hate answering the questions of where he is, and why wont he participate... even with family who should know better. It's just a reminder that life will never be the same and it simply isn't fair.

Emily Mather said...

I am glad to know I am not alone in my feelings when we go places and I notice that "zoned" out look. It is disheartening because I am reminded we are not normal and he is not the same person he was before his injury.