Monday, I was off the pain medications and ready to start moving around. By Tuesday, I was in horrible and constant pain. Bryan had to return to work and I continued to grow worse instead of better. Yesterday, I returned to my doctor to have an ultrasound and blood work done. When my doctor pressed on my left side I nearly jumped off the table. My white blood count is slightly elevated but I still don’t know why I am in so much pain. He said he could have nicked something but won’t get a CT until we get all the results back.
I think that since I have been a caregiver for many years now, I would learn to take my own advice. I was always telling Bryan to take it easy, take your pain medications and rest. However, when you are a caregiver there is no time for rest. At the moment, my house is covered in dog hair, there is no food in my fridge and my husband has ordered us pizza three times this week.
I need to go to the grocery but standing up for more than
five minutes is painful. If I send Bryan he will end up with nothing on the
list and a bunch of sweets. I have slept so much in the last week that I barely know what day it is. I frankly don’t
have time for this. My work has been put on the back burner. I don’t want to
ask anyone for help as they have busy lives too.
As a caregiver, wife and employee I just don’t have time to be down. I am not recovering like I should from this surgery. I often wonder why I am the exception to the rule. I am thankful that I have a diagnosis but I may have to undergo these surgeries every year now. Bryan doesn’t really know what to do so he goes to the basement when he gets home and I call him if I need
something.
How do you handle being out of your normal role to care for
yourself when your warrior needs help with things too?
6 comments:
it is hard! I get migraines and when I'm out it's even more worrisome for me because I'm anxious about how the kids are doing, and how he's reacting to them. Then, when I feel better there's even more massive amounts of laundry, dishes, cleaning to do because it takes all his energy to watch the kids and he doesn't worry about the house.
Wow...Thank you so much for posting this. I heard about your blog on WWW. I too have a husband who was wounded and 100% disabled and I have been battling my endometriosis since my surgery in January. It is a lot of stress to have to deal with the emotional devastation of being a WWW and infertility and a disease a lot of people have no clue about. I hope things get better for you! –Cden
Wow...Thank you so much for posting this. I heard about your blog on WWW. I too have a husband who was wounded and 100% disabled and I have been battling my endometriosis since my surgery in January. It is a lot of stress to have to deal with the emotional devastation of being a WWW and infertility and a disease a lot of people have no clue about. I hope things get better for you! –Cden
I have been an avid follower for so long..just lurking in the background. I've cried when you cried and cheered you on for the small and big miracles you and your husband have experienced. I am also just across the TN/AL line - that connects us in some Southern way.
I am so sorry that you are going through so much pain right now. I know your husband is doing what he can but I also hope that you reach out to others - regardless of how busy they may seem - and accept the fellowship and comfort that they are waiting to give you!
Did you not have anyone (i.e., family/friends) nearby that could help you out, or are you living somewhere where you don't really have people you are close enough to to feel comfortable reaching out to for assistance? I know you said you didn't want to trouble people because they have their own things going on, but most people are glad to help when they know someone is in need - they just need you to tell them HOW to help. Hope you are feeling better and were able to get some assistance. Will be thinking of you & praying for you and your husband.
Found you! I had fun @ SpouseBuzz. Then whammo! Reality again.
Today has been one of my worst yet. I just can not stop crying. I have gorgeous kids, but I feel like I'm letting them down because they have spent sooo much time recently in the care of others. I have "friends" I have to justify my scaddl to, "friends" who do nothing but bring me down.
I'm trying to help. WTB advisory committees, working the the FRSA, befriending families units have left behind.
I heard the worst thing yesterday. "That (gold star widow) shouldn't come back to the (former) unit, it's bad for morale." i'm currently working on tooth fairy pillows for a gold star family. I would tie ladders together to deliver the moon to a gold star. There but the grace.....
I'm not dealing today. I don't know why. Hop and Pop. Kids up all night. Husband Hooah fishing. What if he loses it and ends up in a hospital near Ft. Rucker? I don't have a contingency for that....
I ran into a friend from church while dropping my kids off for care... again. And in seconds I was bawling. Then the baby had a blow out. The almost 2 year old was running around, unkempt, in jammies, because I hadn't gotten that far. this doesn't happen. I was an obvious mess. So she phone tree'd, and before i knew it calls of encouragement were coming in. I love my church.
But they can't FIX it. No one can. I'm jealous of deployers. They have an end date. The army will change it 14 times, and it will suck, but there will be an end.
I think I've decided not to justify myself anymore. if you don't like how I do something, suck an egg. Or come show me how much better you run my life, because I'm sick of running it right now. :p!
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