When you walk on eggshells for years you still resort to those feelings when something upsetting happens. I try to put the past behind us but when reminders of the previous events creep in, I rely on those past experiences to predict what is going to happen.
A couple of days ago Bryan had a stressful day at work. He called when he left and I could hear the exhaustion, frustration and maybe a little anger in his voice. My heart started pounding. I immediately thought I needed to talk him down and fix the problem. I heard his truck revving up as we were getting off the phone and I asked him to drive carefully.
The old feelings resurfaced. I was worried. When he got home how he would be? Would he talk to me? Would he know that I was concerned about how he was reacting to the stressor? Would he be angry?
When he did get home I approached him cautiously. I didn’t want to set the post-traumatic stress off. He was still stressed out pretty bad. I finally just asked if he was OK. I told him that I felt that he was reacting the way that he had in the past.
But he put things in perspective.
“I am allowed to have a bad day once in a while,” he said.
Everything clicked. I thought about all the bad days I have been having when I get bad news from my reproductive endocrinologist. He is allowed to have a bad day. Even if he isn’t handling the situation the way I want him to, it’s OK. His reaction didn’t last a week like it did before.
Have you ever overreacted to your wounded warrior’s actions? How do you separate the past experiences and the current experiences?
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7 comments:
YES! I was just thinking this same thing recently. Sometimes I'M the one who over-reacts. I started freaking out when our neighbors were shooting off fireworks, thinking, "oh, Lord. Here we go. He's going to explode." He did much better than he has before, and it was actually MY REACTION that was stressing him out more. Instead of stepping back and watching for cues from him, I go into all-out damage control. It's so hard when you've lived in crisis mode for so long. Still learning every day and adjusting to our "new normal". Hugs, Cheryl! :)
YES! I was just thinking this same thing recently. Sometimes I'M the one who over-reacts. I started freaking out when our neighbors were shooting off fireworks, thinking, "oh, Lord. Here we go. He's going to explode." He did much better than he has before, and it was actually MY REACTION that was stressing him out more. Instead of stepping back and watching for cues from him, I go into all-out damage control. It's so hard when you've lived in crisis mode for so long. Still learning every day and adjusting to our "new normal". Hugs, Cheryl! :)
I've been reading your blog for some time now, just lurking. I appreciate your honesty and transparency. I am not connected to any of the current military situation (although my husband was in the Marines when we met), but I can still relate to your journey. This post rings true for so many situations, and I love your insight. Thanks for sharing!
i just wanted to say thank you for letting us be a part of your journey. I pray that out Heavenly Father blesses you with children. I pray that he blesses you with comfort. I have a son in the navy and I cant imagine what you and the other www go through every day. I wish there was some way to help or that i could carry some of your burdens. But know this. Your Heavenly Father knows you and your husband by name, He loves you and is mindful of what you are going through. You are not alone
Karen Kartchner Temecula Calif
My husband is also a wounded veteran and I just found your blog. I can relate to what you are going through, and your husbands comment clicked for me also. Thank you.
Hi, I am a new follower and have been reading some of your most recent posts. I love your raw honesty and emotions.
Yes, bad days are okay. Lord knows that I have them. I can't even imagine going through what you guys are though.
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