5th Alive Day

It is hard for me to fathom that Bryan’s fifth “Alive Day” is today – the day an IED ripped his legs apart and left him with a brain injury and post traumatic stress disorder. It is the day he nearly died. We had all our friends and family over for his “Alive Day” party this past weekend. It is great to celebrate his life, his accomplishments and his health. However, I think this is the last celebration. It’s been five years and we have been working so hard to accept our new normal that it is time to move on. In many ways it feels like yesterday that I got the call, notifying me about his injuries. The memories come flooding back of all that we have been through. It hasn’t been an easy road nor will to continue to be. But I feel like we have made progress and are now better equipped to handle nightmares, flashbacks, pain, memory issues, medical appointments, the endless red-tape, and our marriage overall. It has been a huge adjustment but I think we have reached the point of acceptance.

Walter Reed shut down this week and that also brings back a lot of memories. I remember trying to find Ward 57 by myself as I prepared to see Bryan for the first time after he was injured. I was so scared of what I would see when I opened the door to his room. I remember the smells, the faces laying in the hospital beds and the long wait through each of his 15 surgeries. I remember how hard it was to manage the red tape, the appointments, the medicines, and the wound dressings, when I was overly tired and Bryan was in extreme pain. I will never forget how dirty the hospital was. I remember heating water from the sink in the microwave in a large puke bucket and carrying it up and down the hall so I could bathe him. I remember the first time I cried. I hoped to forget the cafeteria food, but that hasn’t happened yet.

It has been an emotional week flooded with memories and some sadness. While things have not been all bad since he was hurt, we haven’t had a normal marriage either. I feel he has prevailed through the worst of it and has finally accepted who he is now. We did get some good news on his toxic embedded shrapnel test-- he isn’t filled with abnormal levels of toxins or uranium. I am still fighting the payment for hyperbaric oxygen therapy and I am hoping this will be resolved soon. There are screws poking out of his heel which we are hoping don’t need to be taken out soon. These kinds of things will always be a part of our life, but that is alright. He is alive and he is here with me. Our marriage has survived and I look forward to more long term plans instead of seeing only the near future. We are blessed.

If you want to read about the day I got the phone call that changed our lives click here.

What happens if your wounded warrior or veteran passes away

Recently I have heard of several wounded warriors passing away years after their injury. My friend Karie lost her husband unexpectedly years after his injury. The benefits she was or wasn’t entitled to were unclear to her. I am sure most of us weren’t briefed on these kind of details either when medically retiring or entering the VA system. While it is horrible to think about, I felt that I needed to collect more information so we could all be prepared if this happened to us. I contacted our local veterans’ benefits coordinator to get the answers to my questions and I am sharing them with you. While the following provide an overview of what I discovered, please contact your local veteran’s benefits coordinator for details or questions that you may have.

Does disability pay stop immediately? As far as the benefits, yes. The veteran’s check stops and the VA is usually quick to stop the check to prevent overpayments. If there is an overpayment, the VA will recoup that check/direct deposit. They will usually reissue the last month’s check to the widow. If applicable, the spouses need to apply for Death Indemnity Compensation (DIC) as soon as possible.DIC is short for Death Indemnity Compensation. It is payable to the spouse of a service member or veteran who die from a service-connected disability or die on active duty.

How much does the VA pay for funeral costs? Veterans receive $300 per plot and $300 for burial costs if the death is not connected to service. They receive $2,000 if the death is service-connected. If they are buried in a federal or state-run veterans’ cemetery, the spouse does not receive the plot benefit.The VA also has the Non-Service Connected Death Pension benefit. This is a needs-based program that widows must apply for. It depends on their situation and the circumstance surrounding the veteran’s death.

Do they get to keep their insurance? Tricare or Champ VA? Champ VA, yes. As long as they do not remarry. You can't have both Tricare and Champ VA. Widows who have Tricare but are eligible for Champ VA, get Tricare. In most cases, DIC and benefits stop if the spouse remarries.
What happens to the GI Bill if the warrior didn't use it? If the veteran transferred the Post 9/11 to the spouse/children, they can still use it. The benefits had to have been transferred while the veteran was on active duty, drilling Reservist or in the Guard. The benefits cannot be transferred after death. If the Veteran paid the $1,200 into the Montgomery GI Bill (does not apply to Post 9/11) and the Veteran never used it, then the surviving spouse can request the money.

Does the spouse get any other education benefits? If the death is service-connected, the spouse and children are eligible for Chapter 35, Dependents Educational Assistance. If the death is not service-connected there are no additional educational benefits.

If the death isn't service-connected, what benefits do they lose? When a veteran dies, the service-connected disability payments the veteran was receiving stops. The surviving spouse needs to reapply as soon as possible for DIC, if the death was service-connected. This means the veteran’s death was related to the service-connected disabilities. The VA also has the Non-Service Connected Death Pension benefit. This is a needs-based program.

What benefits do widows receive if the death is service-connected? DIC of $1,156 per month, Champ VA medical insurance, unless they receive Tricare, and Chapter 35 Dependents Educational Assistance.

If the spouse elected to receive Survivor Benefits Plan when does that kick in? SBP is a DOD program that retirees can sign up for when they retire. It allows the surviving spouse to continue to receive a portion of the retiree’s retirement pay when the veteran passes away. DFAS works these claims as it is not a VA program. The spouse has to apply for SBP through DFAS. If you call DFAS at 800-321-1080, DFAS will send the proper forms. Due to federal regulations, the spouse cannot normally receive DIC and SBP at the same time. There are exceptions, depending how much each pays. Usually the spouse will receive DIC and get back all monies paid into SBP. It is very confusing.

Does the VA pay for the autopsy? The decision to perform an autopsy depends on the manner and location of death and the availability of the veteran’s surviving spouse or next of kin. For specific details check this website

Does Veterans’ Group Life Insurance pay in the case of suicides? Yes, there is no exclusion for suicides.


For more information on specific details of survivor benefits, check out this website.
Keep in mind some of the numbers on this website are incorrect due to COLA increases.

Another notable resource for military widows is the Gold Star Wives of America. The group has chapters nationwide and is actively involved in lobbying Congress for better benefits for veterans and widows.