In these nightmares, I can smell blood. The scent lingers when I awake. I am usually being attacked, falling or scared in the nightmares. I cry in my sleep and I feel like I am trapped in my dreams. You know the sensation of falling and you know you need to wake up before you hit? This is how it feels to be stuck in my dreams. Often, Bryan has to wake me up. He says I talk and cry but it takes him a while to snap me out of it. I don’t think I have ever talked about it before but I think this is probably a common issue for wives of wounded warriors.
I have several dreams each night and I remember almost all of them. I can see new military helicopters and vehicles that I am sure had never been invented. They are bombing me or we are rolling over IEDs. I have always been a vivid dreamer but never did I have nightmares several times a week. I also have nightmares about the battle’s aftermath. I dream about being stuck at the VA or Walter Reed. In my dreams I relive the agony of dressing Bryan’s wounds. It’s something I will never forget.
The nightmares stop me from ever falling into a deep, comfortable sleep. Instead, I am a light sleeper. When Bryan’s legs move all night because he is sore, I feel it. I wake up immediately if he is having a nightmare and I don’t go back to sleep.
Until recently, I required ten hours of sleep per night because I was so exhausted. But the nightmares began the day after I received the devastating call that Bryan was injured. That night, I dreamt that his soldiers were also injured.
I saw images of what it might have looked like when Bryan was first injured. I saw the terrorist’s face that did this to him. I didn’t sleep for days, haunted by these images. Four years have passed and I had hoped the nightmares would be gone. But here I am, still processing my trauma through nightmares.
6 comments:
That you are having nightmares is a sign of what is called secondary PTSD, which is relatively common for caregivers of veterans with PTSD to develop. I hope that you are able to get into counseling...it would probably help. Oh, and courageous to admit on your blog. Thank you for sharing.
I am a WW wife too, and I agree that it's probably very common. I have nightmares a couple of times a week, too. I am a light sleeper and my husband has nightmares (terrors almost)I think the biggest difference now is that at the very first sign og one, I'm up and watching him, making sure he doesn't get out of control. He has before (before therapy/counseling) and it was a truly terrifying thing
I agree with Laura ... this is courageous to post about. But it can be so therapeutic for others who may be going through it, and prayerful, even for you. Sometimes just talking about something takes some of the sting out of it.
I know you responded in the commment section to some of the comments made on your original guest post. I'd be glad for you to actuall do another post on that if you'd like, for this Sunday. You can used some of what you've already said, and add more to it if you'd like. You can let me know if that will work for you.
Warren
I hope that you can get into some therapy or counseling to deal with your nightmares. My dad sustained a tbi in iraq in 06 and he has horrible nightmares. he wakes up and writes them down in a journal .. then takes them with him when he goes to see his speech therapist she can analyse his dreams and tell him what they mean.
good luck :)
Cheryl,
I have a post up today about the March 4 letter. I am writing to ask permission to use the picture of you and your husband that you sent me when you did your guest post. I will go ahead and post it since it is ready do go, but if you object in anyway plese let me know and I will remove it.
Also, we have a long list of military personnel in our church bulletin that we pray for each week. If you would like your husband's name on the list (and we occasionally read all the names off in the assembly), please let me know.
Thanks, Warren
I have had several dreams where I feel like I am stuck in the dream and I can't get out of it but I can hear my fiance talking and trying to wake me, I cannot even scream in them.
He has night terrors, it is one terrifying day that plays over and over in his dreams, he sweats and shouts "MEDIC" and talks like he is in that moment again. it is so sad hearing it all and so hard to wake him out of it, but I have figured out I can talk to him and change the dream, I call him Sgt and talk to him like I am a higher rank and he talks back "yes sir" etc and I order him to wake up, it works most of the time.
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