New York City

Karie, her friend, and I went to New York City last weekend. When Karie,wife of a wounded Marine, and I first met in person on the caregivers retreat in Nashville we said we wanted to go to NYC. One of the counselors from the retreat lives there and we were able to see her on this trip. It was so good to see her and was a bit emotional for all of us. She was the one that helped me do some crisis intervention with Bryan last year and I also talked to her after Karie’s husband passed away. She helped me know how to be there for Karie and what resources were available for her. After the funeral, Karie and I got serious about going and we decided that before Christmas was perfect timing.

Karie’s friend, who also came along, has been a great friend to Karie for a long time. I met her at the funeral and it was great to hang out again under better circumstances. It was nice to be away and not be stressed for an entire weekend. We went to Top of the Rock, ate at Rockefeller Center where we watched the ice skaters and saw the famous tree while dining. We saw the play “Chicago”, ate a wonderful steak dinner (thanks AJ Maxwells for donating the gift card), shopped, visited the Plaza, and overall just had a wonderful time.

It is so great to see Karie doing so well after such tragedy and heartache. I am lucky to have her as a friend. I always feel that people are placed in our lives for reasons and I am thankful to have her support. I feel like she is my sister, I want to check in to make sure she is really OK. It is always good to be around people that know what I have been through and can truly understand me. We need to make sure we see each other as often as we can.

I, of course, missed my husband but being a prior Army family, being away for a weekend isn’t a big deal. I think he misses me a little while I am gone too. There was some drama on the flight back. We got delayed out of the gate and when we arrived it was so cold in Charlotte that the jet bridge wouldn’t work. I ran with about eight other people to the connecting flight. They didn’t hold the plane for us. I ended up staying the night in Charlotte in a scary hotel and headed out bright and early the next morning. I made it home safe and sound and was thankful to be home with my husband. The house was clean and he didn’t spend a ton of money while I was gone. What a wonderful and successful trip.

Reminders

It is hard to not think about my warrior being wounded every day. I try not to dwell on the fact that he is physically or emotionally wounded but almost every day I see a reminder. I see him get ready for bed and I see his leg - it looks like it has been run through a meat grinder. It still shocks me every time I see it: the huge indentation in his thigh where he is missing muscle, the skin graft scar that is purple and red, the black pepper of shrapnel throughout his entire leg, the calf muscle that was cut repeatedly, the bumpy uneven skin. It is a reminder that he will never be the same.

My husband was an amazing runner before he got hurt. He could run two miles in 10 minutes. I can’t and don’t run. He will never be able to run again. All he wanted when he got out of the Army was to get a dog and go running with it. We got the dog the day after he retired but he can’t run with her. When he tries it’s a form of a wobble and hobble jaunt. That is a reminder.

A couple of weekends ago Bryan was trying to put down some tile in the kitchen. It was a small project but he was finding excuses for months not to do it. He knew he would get frustrated. He knew it wouldn’t be as easy as it once was. He knew it would go wrong. What happened? The thin set wasn’t going down properly. He got angry and frustrated. After a slew of about 50 curse words he slung the trowel on the floor. Thin set pasted itself to the fridge, the floor and the cabinets. That made him angrier. I could feel my heart beating rapidly. I could feel my cheeks getting hot. The dogs ran and hid. I went to the basement because listening to him was upsetting me. That too was a reminder.

I wish that at some point the reminders will go away. I love where we are at in our life but sometimes it isn’t easy to overlook what he goes through. I think we have just finally accepted this is how it is. I think it is OK to have reminders. Reminders might bring up the pain but they also remind you of where you have been, that you are alive and that you thrive.