Ft. Riley Military Spouses and WWW

Caregiver of the Week: Aimee Zmysly

When I met my husband he had just gotten back from a deployment to Afghanistan. I had no knowledge of what military life was like,the only person I knew that had served and deployed was my grandpas during WWII. I will be honest it did scare me to know I wouldn't be able to see this man I was falling in love with, anytime I wanted, as I was living in Illinois, his home state and he was stationed in NC. But with love comes strength and we made the long distance work. After three months we were engaged, and I had no question he was the one for me. We then got news
he was deploying to Iraq in Feb of 2005. I was terrified of the unknown. As the months rolled by, the letters, emails and phone calls continued, hearing his
voice and his thoughts made it bearable. 7 months past and he came home safe and sound. When I saw my man walk off of that white bus that August, my heart was full and happy.

Just when I thought the deployment was the big test for our relationship, January 9th 2006 came. He woke up with stomach pains and through out the day became so painful by the end of the night, his friend Matt brought him to the ER on base. After hours of tests and many phone calls to me, we found out it was his appendix.
He called me right before surgery and he said he loved me and that everything would be ok. That was the last time I heard my hubby talk.

After fighting sleep, I was awoken at 5 am by a phone call from his phone, I was excited to see his name. But the voice was not his, his friend then informed me that something happened during surgery and they were taking him to a civilian hospital. My once full and happy heart sank.

I got off the phone and flew down there with his mom. Walking into that ICU was the scariest thing I have ever done. I closed my eyes took a breath and walked. When we got to the door, he was there. Laying with tubes coming out of every place possible. He was in a medicated coma. My legs gave out and the pain I felt just seeing him I wouldn't wish on anyone.

But with love comes strength, slowly I began talking to him, getting knowledge of his injuries, and trying to stay strong for him. He almost died a total of three times through out three months. When doctors said he would not wake up, again, it was another pain that I can still feel to this day. The thought of loosing him was unthinkable, I heard the news and went numb, I laid in my bed for hours just crying and praying.

But my man is stubborn and if you tell him that he can't do something he will do it. So he woke up, slowly he began interacting with his surroundings. He was then transfered to a rehab hospital where he had to learn everything all over again. That included eating solid food, drinking thin liquids, sitting up, walking, talking. He was starting over. In October of that same year, his mom committed suicide. This was so difficult to handle, especially for Yuriy, he sank into a deep depression and I followed. How much can one person take in a years time? I know that answer now, A heck of a lot.

Later that year in 2006 after he was out of the hospital and could head nod yes and no, we got married. It was not the wedding I imagined, my Marine was in a wheelchair and had just gone through the roughest year of his life, yet he wanted to marry me still.

He has an anoxic brain injury, due to lack of oxygen to the brain and with that comes, cortical visual impairment, apraxia of speech and movement, muscle spasitisity, and emotional issues.

He is now at home with myself and my parents. The role of caregiver I don't take lightly. It is a huge responsibility but a privilege to watch the man I love get stronger and try so hard to improve on a daily basis. Some days are easier than others, Yuriy's care takes physical strength as well as emotional strength. He needs assistance with daily activities, has many appointments to go to each week, and some days he is not the easiest person to be with. We have gone through ups and downs, but the one thing that has gotten us both to where we are today, is the love we have for each other. I look at him still to this day and am so in love with him. I admire his strength and love his personality.. Though he cannot speak yet, he does communicate with me the best he can, I long for the day to wake up and hear him say "good morning wifey"


I have found through this journey that I am a strong woman. I have done things I never thought I would be able to do, like speaking at a press conference with Senator Durbin, to tell people about the caregiver bill. Advocating for Yuriy's rights and getting him the best care possible. Sharing our story and my knowledge to help others. I now know one person can make a difference, all you have to do is believe in what your fighting for.



~ Proud USMC Wife Aimee Zmysly

Caregiver of the Week: Uncle Sam's Mistress

2006-2007, My husband served as a Combat Medic in Iraq and was wounded in an IED explosion which led to his severe PTSD and severe TBI upon his return. After a year being home, the issues of not having help and resources led me to be more vocal about such issues in our returning soldiers. The hardest part I have faced during all of this is being alone, without family's willingness to acknowledge my husband's problems and falling through the cracks of the VA system. This year, we finally got a "Severe TBI" diagnosis which has helped us cope with the many issues he has. For self-help, I began to blog and now write on three different sites in the caregiver perspective: Living with PTSD and TBI, Living the Army Life and Scott Lee's PTSD: A soldier's perspective.

Having found the Wounded Warrior Wive's group through Operation Homefront, it has given me a place where I feel like I belong with others like me. My non-profit organization, www. Doublehhcandles.com, which I started to beat the deployment blues four years ago and provides candles for the military and families, has now created a candle specifically for our Wounded Warrior Wives. The cost after production, will be donated to Operation Homefront so that it can help other Wounded Warrior Caregiver's like me. Be vocal about our soldiers with PTSD and TBI, our voice will eventually be heard.

Releasing Control

A conversation over the weekend reminded me about releasing control. I have always been a very organized person in work, home and school. I like to have a plan, execute and move on. The Army would always throw a wrench in that plan, but slowly I learned to adapt with whatever came next.

When Bryan was injured, I took care of his every need. Brushing his teeth, bathing him, dressing his wounds, scheduling his appointments -- everything. Once he became more independent, I realized that I still wanted to be involved in every single thing. I liked to make sure he asked the doctor the right questions, to see his amazing progress and simply to help him. He then decided he wanted to go to his appointments alone and handle some things himself.

Here we are four years later, and I still have issues giving up control. As I mentioned in the last post, I like to drive the car because he is a horrible driver and easily distracted. We went whitewater rafting a couple weeks ago. Bryan fell out of the raft twice. He slipped off the boat and fell down a rock because of his balance issues. I tried everything in my power to get him back in the raft when he fell out. I had images of him drowning, or breaking another bone, or having a flashback. As soon as he got back in the raft, I asked him five times if he was OK.

A couple of weeks later we went through a fast food drive-through and he ordered his meal. Apparently the menu had changed and the number four was not what the cashier remembered it to be. He immediately looked at me to resolve the situation so the order would be correct. I told him over and over what to say to her, but he just sat there quietly. He was overwhelmed. I almost stuck my head out the window and said “he wants the two-cheeseburger combo.”

I let him handle it, and in the end the correct order came out.

We get along better when he handles his own care. I don’t attend all his doctor appointments with him, but I would like to. He has one next month, and I want to go with him to ask about having all the arthritis in his feet removed. I told him to ask about it, but is he going to? At what point do we as caregivers let go of having our hand in everything?

When can we finally, fully release control?

Featuring Caregivers of Wounded Warriors

Starting next week I am going to feature caregivers of wounded warriors. I will provide a biography, photo, and link to their blog or website. I hope that this will bring awareness to others about what these courageous women do for their warriors. It will also be interesting to hear about the varying degrees of injuries. Please support and empower these wonderful women.

Boston Vets Check Out The Strength At Home Program

Are you struggling with conflict or other difficulties in your relationship after military service? The Strength At Home Programs are here to support you.

Strength At Home Couples’ Program:
This Strength At Home couples program involves participation in 10 couples’ classes, focusing on enhancing communication, closeness, and happiness in your relationship. OEF/OIF active duty, Guard/Reservists, and veterans are eligible.

Strength At Home Men’s Program:
The Strength At Home Men’s Program involves participation in 12 weekly classes, and is for veterans of any era. Classes focus on developing a better understanding of anger problems, learning ways to manage anger and stress more effectively, and strategies to communicate more effectively in your relationships. The goal of the program is to help you strengthen your relationships, so that you can improve other areas of your life.

Classes run on weekday evenings at the Boston and Providence VA hospitals. These programs are part of an ongoing research studies to improve services for service members and military families. Please visit their website

Entrepreneurship Bootcamp for Veterans' Families (EBV-F)

I wanted to share this information for caregivers of wounded warriors and surviving spouses. The EBV-F program is an education and training program offered by the Whitman School of Management at Syracuse University. The program leverages the flexibility inherent in small business ownership to provide a vocational and economic "path-forward" for military family members who are now caregivers to a wounded warrior - or for the surviving spouse of a military member who gave his or her life in service to our country.

The EBV-F program integrates training in small business management, with caregiver and family issues, positioning the family member to launch and grow a small business in a way that is complementary or enhancing to other family responsibilities. Modeled after the existing Entrepreneurship Bootcamp for Veterans with Disabilities (EBV) initiative, the EBV Families program will be offered without any cost to accepted applicants. The Whitman School of Management will launch the first EBV-F program in November of 2010.

Applications will be accepted beginning April 5, 2010.

Scholarships for Spouses/Caregivers

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

From: Hope For The Warriors®
Contacts: Kathi Delay, 910.546.1166 or kathi@hopeforthewarriors.org

Scholarships applications now available for Spring 2011
Hope For The Warriors to grant scholarships to spouses/caregivers


CAMP LEJEUNE, NC, August 13, 2010 – Hope For The Warriors® is pleased to announce the release of the Spring 2011 scholarship application on their website, http://www.hopeforthewarriors.org/spouse.html. Spouses and caregivers of wounded service members or spouses of fallen service members are eligible to apply. Hope For The Warriors® is a national nonprofit organization that supports wounded U.S. service members, their families, and families of the fallen.

The purpose of the spouse/caregiver scholarships is to identify, recognize and reward exceptional spouses/caregivers for their strength, fidelity and resolve despite adversity and to aid in their continued education at a reputable, accredited college or trade school as they assume critical roles in the financial well being of their families. Four scholarships in the amount of $5,000 will be awarded and one scholarship in the amount of $1,250. Previous winners may reapply for up to four years for a maximum of $20,000 awarded.

To apply for a scholarship, the applicant must meet all eligibility requirements as outlined on the website as well as submit all required items no later than Wednesday, October 13, 2010. Questions about eligibility or the application should be emailed to scholarship@hopeforthewarriors.org.

Last year, eligibility for a scholarship was extended to caregivers. Hope For The Warriors® recognizes that many of the wounded are cared for by mothers, fathers, siblings, or other family members. Giving eligibility to these necessary caregivers helps Hope For The Warriors® recognize their invaluable contribution to the recovery and rehabilitation of all wounded service members.

“When a service member is wounded, it impacts the entire family emotionally and financially,” said Kathi Delay, Spouse/Caregiver Scholarship Director. “Hope For The Warriors® recognizes that these family members need our support as they take on new challenges and family roles.”

The mission of Hope For The Warriors® is to enhance quality of life for U.S. service members and their families nationwide who have been adversely affected by injuries or death in the line of duty. Hope For The Warriors® actively seeks to ensure that the sacrifices of wounded and fallen warriors and their families are never forgotten nor their needs unmet.

Hope For The Warriors® (Federal Tax ID 20-5182295) is a 501(c)(3) tax-exempt charity as defined in sections 509(A)(1) and 170(B)(1)(A)(VI) of the Internal Revenue Code. Combined Federal Campaign, CFC #27800.


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Road Trips and PTSD

When Bryan was first injured, he couldn’t drive. The first time I took him anywhere outside of the hospital, I drove about ten miles down the road to grab some lunch. He panicked the entire ride because he thought there were IEDs in the debris on the side of the road. It was horrible, to say the least. I didn’t want to drive anywhere with him for a long time after that experience.

Now he has enough reason to know that things in the road or on the shoulder are not filled with IEDs. However he still gets "heightened" most of the time we are driving anywhere. I still take the wheel because Bryan isn’t a good driver and it is more comfortable for him to ride. This weekend we decided to go to Chattanooga with my cousins. On the way, we got caught in Friday rush-hour traffic, and Bryan started tensing up.

Bryan started with the death grip on the car door handle and slamming his foot on the imaginary brake. Then he thought I was too close to a car or not hitting my brakes early enough, I could feel the tension in the car building. I told him to relax or that we weren’t going to get in to a wreck, but it didn’t seem to help.

If a car zoomed by us trying to pass someone, he tensed up again. If someone cut me off, he was mad that they did that or he thought they were going to slam on their brakes. I couldn’t do anything about how the others are driving, but he started yelling for me to stay away from them. We drove in to a little rain storm that lasted a couple of minutes. He told me to slow down because it’s raining so hard, and I needed new tires -- the list went on and on.

What’s ironic is when Bryan is driving; the car weaves in and out of traffic or goes too fast. He has no business criticizing my skills.

It is something about not being in control that he can’t deal with. Throughout any ride, no matter how fast or slow I go or the distance I keep from other cars, he has major anxiety. Then I tense up and I just want the trip to be over. It just makes me unnerved by the time we get there.

I am not sure that this is something that will ever go away for him.