My husband was an amazing runner before he got hurt. He could run two miles in 10 minutes. I can’t and don’t run. He will never be able to run again. All he wanted when he got out of the Army was to get a dog and go running with it. We got the dog the day after he retired but he can’t run with her. When he tries it’s a form of a wobble and hobble jaunt. That is a reminder.
A couple of weekends ago Bryan was trying to put down some tile in the kitchen. It was a small project but he was finding excuses for months not to do it. He knew he would get frustrated. He knew it wouldn’t be as easy as it once was. He knew it would go wrong. What happened? The thin set wasn’t going down properly. He got angry and frustrated. After a slew of about 50 curse words he slung the trowel on the floor. Thin set pasted itself to the fridge, the floor and the cabinets. That made him angrier. I could feel my heart beating rapidly. I could feel my cheeks getting hot. The dogs ran and hid. I went to the basement because listening to him was upsetting me. That too was a reminder.
I wish that at some point the reminders will go away. I love where we are at in our life but sometimes it isn’t easy to overlook what he goes through. I think we have just finally accepted this is how it is. I think it is OK to have reminders. Reminders might bring up the pain but they also remind you of where you have been, that you are alive and that you thrive.
6 comments:
I wanted to thank you for you reminder. I too, have reminders of my husband's physical and mental anguish. I truly have a hard time seeing the every day struggle my husband has. Thank you again for your post. You have helped me remember where we were and how far we have come in our lives. He his home and that is the most important part, every thing else we can deal with.
Please remind your self, that as a wife of a solider, you too go through the things he does. You are a courageous and honorable person also. Thank your husband for his service and thank you and your family for the sacrifices you have made and continue to make for our country.
This is beautifully honest. It's okay to mourn the should-have-beens and the weres. The things that were are memories to hold on to when things are tough. The should-have-beens are the plans you made during that time and were taken from you. Bryan's alive and you have each other and that is a huge blessing. It's okay to be hurt and disappointed sometimes.
I can only imagine how he processes who he used to be, what he used to be able to do, to how he is now. I think his self acceptance and getting to the point where he can say, "This is how I am, and I will start here with no regrets" must be a very difficult thing. I guess when he has those outbursts, that's when he's having the hardest time beating himself up for what he used to be, and what's so much harder for him now.
My wife and I had been married 28 months prior to my arrival in Vietnam 40 years ago, by the grace of God I returned with no visible wounds. It took me a long time to come to the reality that I was somehow changed by war. The thin set story is a remake of several hundred stories that I’ve lived and that my wife and kids endured over the years, and believe me I’m not proud of any of them. But things are much better now. Through counseling years ago and reading Patience Mason’s works I think I have finally made some progress, I still have outburst but not nearly as often and not nearly as intense as they once were. Things are somewhat better and I thank you for this post that reminded me of that.
Over the years God has blessed me and I have survived war, cancer, heart attack and this mental demon we live with. I am now retired and have time to reflect on the many blessing over my lifetime; and I can tell you that none of them is greater than being blessed with a wife and kids who have loved me and survived with me all these years.
God Bless You and your family as well as all the others like you.
Praying for our soldiers, their families, and for healing. God bless. Thank you both for your service.
I do a daily radio program in our community (in Kansas). Do you mind if I read part of this story to hep promote greater awareness of what servicemen and their families experience?
Warren
Family Fountain
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