This morning Bryan got into bed at 3 am. He didn't wake up this morning for work and I had the day off so I didn't have my alarm set. I asked him if he was going to work and he said no. I asked him why and he said cause he is sick of everything. He is sick of things breaking on the house, sick or working, sick of his legs hurting and not working, sick of everything. I was supposed to volunteer today but based on how unresponsive Bryan is I decided it was best to stay here, just in case he needs something.
He can quit his job if he wants but I don't think it would be good for him mentally. We had counseling yesterday and it went well but they were completing this lengthy questionnaire. It will take about 3 sessions to complete and it is very detailed. I am not sure if that has triggered something because the questions the counselor asked I have never even thought to ask them before. Maybe it set something off and triggered a memory or reminded him we didn't have the joyous homecoming that we both wanted and expected. I feel that sometimes in order to get beyond something you have to re open that wound so that it can heal correctly.
He did end up calling in to work and PT and he is going to take the week off PT. There is lots of rain coming so I think this is best since he struggles so badly when it rains. I think the best thing for him today is just to veg out and maybe tomorrow his spirits will be up. It is so hard as a spouse because you don't know what to say or do to make it better. It rips my heart out just to see him stare into space.
I am supposed to be going out of town for work tomorrow. If he doesn't seem better tomorrow than I will not go. They can fire me if they want because it's not worth working when he is so far into the dumps that he can't come out of it. Simply not worth it. I think that there should be some kind of stay at home jobs for spouses so they can still be around in times like these and still help with the finances. I also couldn't just sit here and not work. I don't think it would be good for me mentally either. I like to work.
I just hope things turn around. I want him to be well even though I am not dumb enough to think he will be like he used to be. I want him happy for the point that he is in with his life. I wish that I could help.....
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
9/11
Today is a day of reflection for everyone nation wide. 8 years ago we were attacked not only a physical attack but an emotional attack. We were all affected by what happened that day and what it did in the end was bring the nation together. I always feel emotional on this day but also thankful. I did not personally know anyone that lived through the attacks or was murdered on that day, but I did meet some of the brave firefighters that were there on 9/11 in NYC.
I had the honor of meeting them at Walter Reed. My husband was in PT only a couple of months after he was injured and he was riding a recumbent bike. They showed up and asked if they could talk to us for a minute, and of course we wanted to talk to them. We wanted to thank them for their service. The first thing they said was thank you for your sacrifice to my husband. This was shocking to both of us and we were thankful to them and their selfless acts on that day. We thanked them and made some small talk and it ended with me hugging each of them. They gave us a couple of signed tee-shirts and it is still one of the most cherished things we got at Walter Reed.
I am so thankful for the nation coming together and trying to rebound from this tragedy. I am thankful for the service members across the nation that went to war because of 9/11. I am thankful for my husband and his sacrifice. I regret not visiting ground zero while we were in DC. I hope one day to visit and see the impact it made on this nation. I also want to pay my respects, never forget America.
I had the honor of meeting them at Walter Reed. My husband was in PT only a couple of months after he was injured and he was riding a recumbent bike. They showed up and asked if they could talk to us for a minute, and of course we wanted to talk to them. We wanted to thank them for their service. The first thing they said was thank you for your sacrifice to my husband. This was shocking to both of us and we were thankful to them and their selfless acts on that day. We thanked them and made some small talk and it ended with me hugging each of them. They gave us a couple of signed tee-shirts and it is still one of the most cherished things we got at Walter Reed.
I am so thankful for the nation coming together and trying to rebound from this tragedy. I am thankful for the service members across the nation that went to war because of 9/11. I am thankful for my husband and his sacrifice. I regret not visiting ground zero while we were in DC. I hope one day to visit and see the impact it made on this nation. I also want to pay my respects, never forget America.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
PT
Bryan started PT last Monday and he said it was a lot of stretching because the ligament has locked up and is tight. He said that going really slowly he could only get 80 degrees range of motion. He said they put him on a recumbent bike but his knee wouldn't go around the wheel. I hope that with lots of PT he can get his knee back to bending. He went twice last week at 7:30 in the morning before work. He said it was hard to get through the day with the pain he had after PT. He might end up moving it to the afternoon so he can rest afterwords. He has been getting up early and going in to work on the days he doesn't have PT cause he has to make up for missing. Bryan doesn't have any sick time left because of all the doctors appointments etc. He does what he has to do though to continue PT. I am so glad it has started.
I have been out of town for work last week and this week I am heading to Nashville for one day. My program finally got started so I have been setting up interviews for next week. I was hoping to be able to see my family while I was there but the company is getting me a rental car and it has to be back Wednesday night. I wish that I could see them while I am there but I will be back at the end of the month so I can see them then.
Bryan and I are doing Soldier Ride in Nashville and I am very excited! I get to see some of the girls I hung out with at the caregivers retreat and I am looking forward to seeing them again. The head of soldier ride has asked me to speak about what Wounded Warrior Project has done for caregivers at the concert we will be attending. I am very nervous about speaking as I get really nervous about public speaking. I took public speaking in college and got most improved because I went from a shaky voice and a bright red face to being ok at the end. It probably helped that we got to know the other classmates and it was a small class. I will make it though. Mom said I need to wear a turtleneck so people won't see my blotchy red neck.
My family will also be attending the concert so it will help to know they are supporting me. I will do anything though to help bring awareness to the Wounded Warrior Project as they are such a great organization. We are fund raising for the event so I hope we reach our fund raising goals.
Bryan got a letter from the VA last week stating they still haven't received the paperwork from his civilian counselor. They said if they didn't receive it in 30 days than they would discount that as evidence. He called the counselor again and he said he sent it. He said he doesn't want to bother him any more than that because he is doing it for free through give an hour. I asked him when he was there last to get copies so we could just send them. The counselor said he had already been contacted and sent them on so Bryan didn't get a copy. I am not sure if they got lost or what but they are waiting on it to complete the new rating. It's so frustrating trying to track all this information down. Hopefully they will get it soon so we can put this new rating behind us.
Other than that not too much is going on. I met with the hematologist last week and he wasn't sure that the biopsy results from my test don't relate to the elevated levels of sertonin. He referred me to another GI since my current GI didn't schedule a follow up with the results and just we don't feel comfortable with that and the medication he prescribed. When I got the medication filled the cost before insurance for 60 days was $1, 599.99 and luckily I had to pay only $9.00. I don't want to charge my insurance for a medication that may not treat the problem. I showed up at the new GI yesterday and filled out all the paperwork. When I gave the office staff my military ID and my card that said I was on Tricare Prime she said you have Prime not Standard. I said yes, she said we don't take Prime I am sorry. I called back the scheduler at the Hema's office and she said that they must have not heard her ask if they took Prime. So now I have to wait for them to find one that does and get a new appointment. It was a bit frustrating because we might have been close to the answer to the problem. It's all good we will get there eventually, all in due time.
I have been out of town for work last week and this week I am heading to Nashville for one day. My program finally got started so I have been setting up interviews for next week. I was hoping to be able to see my family while I was there but the company is getting me a rental car and it has to be back Wednesday night. I wish that I could see them while I am there but I will be back at the end of the month so I can see them then.
Bryan and I are doing Soldier Ride in Nashville and I am very excited! I get to see some of the girls I hung out with at the caregivers retreat and I am looking forward to seeing them again. The head of soldier ride has asked me to speak about what Wounded Warrior Project has done for caregivers at the concert we will be attending. I am very nervous about speaking as I get really nervous about public speaking. I took public speaking in college and got most improved because I went from a shaky voice and a bright red face to being ok at the end. It probably helped that we got to know the other classmates and it was a small class. I will make it though. Mom said I need to wear a turtleneck so people won't see my blotchy red neck.
My family will also be attending the concert so it will help to know they are supporting me. I will do anything though to help bring awareness to the Wounded Warrior Project as they are such a great organization. We are fund raising for the event so I hope we reach our fund raising goals.
Bryan got a letter from the VA last week stating they still haven't received the paperwork from his civilian counselor. They said if they didn't receive it in 30 days than they would discount that as evidence. He called the counselor again and he said he sent it. He said he doesn't want to bother him any more than that because he is doing it for free through give an hour. I asked him when he was there last to get copies so we could just send them. The counselor said he had already been contacted and sent them on so Bryan didn't get a copy. I am not sure if they got lost or what but they are waiting on it to complete the new rating. It's so frustrating trying to track all this information down. Hopefully they will get it soon so we can put this new rating behind us.
Other than that not too much is going on. I met with the hematologist last week and he wasn't sure that the biopsy results from my test don't relate to the elevated levels of sertonin. He referred me to another GI since my current GI didn't schedule a follow up with the results and just we don't feel comfortable with that and the medication he prescribed. When I got the medication filled the cost before insurance for 60 days was $1, 599.99 and luckily I had to pay only $9.00. I don't want to charge my insurance for a medication that may not treat the problem. I showed up at the new GI yesterday and filled out all the paperwork. When I gave the office staff my military ID and my card that said I was on Tricare Prime she said you have Prime not Standard. I said yes, she said we don't take Prime I am sorry. I called back the scheduler at the Hema's office and she said that they must have not heard her ask if they took Prime. So now I have to wait for them to find one that does and get a new appointment. It was a bit frustrating because we might have been close to the answer to the problem. It's all good we will get there eventually, all in due time.
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