Day 3 Can I be where he is yet?

July 30th, 2006
I have begun to pack my things early this morning. I can’t sleep and tried calling the nurses in Landstuhl but the number I have is a DSN number and I don’t have one of those phones. I guess I have to wait for them to call me. I made a list of all the bills that I needed to pay while I was gone from my home for an unknown amount of time. I got Bryan’s license together and other things that he might need. I am ready to get my flight and on my way to see him. I e-mailed my boss to call me when she got in to work so I could tell her I wouldn’t be returning. Mom is outside mowing the grass while I chain smoke cigarettes (even though I quit a year ago) while I wait by the phone.

I got a Hero Handbook from the Family Readiness Leader (FRG) that said everything I needed to know about caring for my wounded husband at Walter Reed. I printed the manual off and read it over and over. I am so confused with orders, non-medical attendant, and all these other acronyms that I haven’t heard of in my 5 years of dating a soldier. It’s all so different.

Bryan’s parents went to church this morning they put Bryan on multiple prayer lists. I don’t have the energy to go to church but I am praying for Bryan non-stop. I didn’t expect to be dealing with such a life crises at the age of 24. It’s all overwhelming.

I can tell that I am getting snappy with my mom. I can’t help it but I don’t want to hear the story over and over. I don’t want to eat. I am miserable and I guess I am taking it out on her. I hope she will understand later that I don’t mean it.