April 27th, 2007
Today I wanted to take my mom to a local winery. I found one on the GPS but for some reason it took us to the middle of a subdivision and it was not right. Bryan got very frustrated with our driving around and wanted to be taken home. He tends to blow up over the smallest thing. We went to the house and dropped him off. I started crying hysterically telling my mom that I am not happy. Everything I do it seems wrong. I don’t know how to relate to my husband anymore and I don’t like living here. I am tired of living in a basement and waiting on the Army to get us outta here. Bryan doesn’t go to most of his appointments he is depressed and would rather lie in it than do something to make himself feel good. Some days when I get home at 3 pm he is still in bed. I don’t know what to do anymore. I wanted my mom to actually come up here and do something fun. Not see her daughter a miserable wreck. I feel horrible that I have ruined her trip again. I am snappy too I am unhappy and I make people around me miserable as well. I want to leave most days. I am living in a hell that I can’t escape. I have no friends here besides other wives of the wounded and all we do is complain about our husbands. I miss my family. I want my things.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Family involvement
April 26th, 2007
Today we managed to figure out the metro and go downtown. The day went fairly well. Bryan was irritated with me somewhat but this seems to be the norm lately. Bryan took his wheelchair because he knew he wouldn’t be able to walk all day. When we got out of the American Indian museum we got three calls from the 1SGT about us being kicked out the Mologne house, too little too late on this one Med Hold. We were wondering where this call came from. When we got back I received an e-mail from Bryan’s aunt. She had sent out an e-mail about a living situation last November and she received a response from someone she knew stating this:
Please pardon the mass email and delete as you see fit, but my assistant's nephew Bryan was horribly injured while in Iraq and has been in the hospital and physical rehabilitation for months. I know he is just one of thousands of injured soldiers that are in between processing/ assignment/ rehab/ financial orders, and the such, but please remember him and his wife in your prayers.
We've done one round of collection in the office for them and may do another, but I am thinking about a hotel point collection. I know I have varied amounts at Hilton, Marriott, Holiday Inn and the such, and it could be enough for a few nights, but I'm thinking that if enough people combined their points, maybe points.com or another group like that could comingle donated hotel points to relieve financially stressed war veterans and their families while in hospital treatment and rehab. Maybe flight miles, too?
It's amazing how valuable freedom is, and we can't allow our soldiers who come home injured from protecting our way of life to be stranded. I will be checking online to see if there are any comingling donation sites to war veterans, or if there is a way to coordinate this with a veterans group of some sort, maybe DAR?? Surely there is some relief organization for war veterans that can supplement housing near Walter Reed Medical Center. If you know of anything like this, please let me know, so I can send it on to Ann and she can help them.
I also think this is a great reason to get to know your congressman, senators, and other government officials on a one on one basis. Order of priority at their offices 1) Hand written letter 2)Typed Letter 3) Email 4)Phone Call--unless they know who you are 5) Form letters.
Apparently this woman contacted someone at Walter Reed to help with our situation even though we have been moved out for over three months now. I was glad that she was trying to help but a little upset that we were not aware of this. The 1SGT was not very happy that she was not aware of our situation but with all the turn over at Walter Reed since the filth this is his second 1SGT. It’s nearly impossible to continue to keep command abreast of all our problems when it changes so often.
Today we managed to figure out the metro and go downtown. The day went fairly well. Bryan was irritated with me somewhat but this seems to be the norm lately. Bryan took his wheelchair because he knew he wouldn’t be able to walk all day. When we got out of the American Indian museum we got three calls from the 1SGT about us being kicked out the Mologne house, too little too late on this one Med Hold. We were wondering where this call came from. When we got back I received an e-mail from Bryan’s aunt. She had sent out an e-mail about a living situation last November and she received a response from someone she knew stating this:
Please pardon the mass email and delete as you see fit, but my assistant's nephew Bryan was horribly injured while in Iraq and has been in the hospital and physical rehabilitation for months. I know he is just one of thousands of injured soldiers that are in between processing/ assignment/ rehab/ financial orders, and the such, but please remember him and his wife in your prayers.
We've done one round of collection in the office for them and may do another, but I am thinking about a hotel point collection. I know I have varied amounts at Hilton, Marriott, Holiday Inn and the such, and it could be enough for a few nights, but I'm thinking that if enough people combined their points, maybe points.com or another group like that could comingle donated hotel points to relieve financially stressed war veterans and their families while in hospital treatment and rehab. Maybe flight miles, too?
It's amazing how valuable freedom is, and we can't allow our soldiers who come home injured from protecting our way of life to be stranded. I will be checking online to see if there are any comingling donation sites to war veterans, or if there is a way to coordinate this with a veterans group of some sort, maybe DAR?? Surely there is some relief organization for war veterans that can supplement housing near Walter Reed Medical Center. If you know of anything like this, please let me know, so I can send it on to Ann and she can help them.
I also think this is a great reason to get to know your congressman, senators, and other government officials on a one on one basis. Order of priority at their offices 1) Hand written letter 2)Typed Letter 3) Email 4)Phone Call--unless they know who you are 5) Form letters.
Apparently this woman contacted someone at Walter Reed to help with our situation even though we have been moved out for over three months now. I was glad that she was trying to help but a little upset that we were not aware of this. The 1SGT was not very happy that she was not aware of our situation but with all the turn over at Walter Reed since the filth this is his second 1SGT. It’s nearly impossible to continue to keep command abreast of all our problems when it changes so often.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Everyone needs their mother
April 25th 2007,
My mom is in town and I am hoping to do something fun on this trip with her. Every time she has been up here it has been when there was still a lot going on. Our plan for tomorrow is to go downtown and go to one of the museums. I am hoping that Bryan and I can manage to get along. We always seem to fight in front of my mom and I don’t want that. I am glad she is here. I really need a break and something that I can talk to.
My mom is in town and I am hoping to do something fun on this trip with her. Every time she has been up here it has been when there was still a lot going on. Our plan for tomorrow is to go downtown and go to one of the museums. I am hoping that Bryan and I can manage to get along. We always seem to fight in front of my mom and I don’t want that. I am glad she is here. I really need a break and something that I can talk to.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Handicap
April 12, 2007
Today we left for the airport. While we were waiting to board the plane we were seated in the handicap seating. The American Airline worker addressed the man in the wheelchair but assumed that Bryan was not handicapped. When the man in the wheelchair boarded Bryan walked up to the worker and stated that he is handicapped and would like to board now. The worker bluntly said no. Bryan immediately got mad and said I am a disabled veteran who was blown up in Iraq and I can’t stand in that long line so I will board now. The man said no because they were still cleaning the plane and the man in the wheelchair could hardly walk and needed extra time. Bryan and I sat back down. I was embarrassed on how Bryan reacted to the worker. He could have said it kinder and more gently but he always gets mad quickly nowadays. We did get to board shortly after but he was still upset that the man assumed that he was not disabled.
Today we left for the airport. While we were waiting to board the plane we were seated in the handicap seating. The American Airline worker addressed the man in the wheelchair but assumed that Bryan was not handicapped. When the man in the wheelchair boarded Bryan walked up to the worker and stated that he is handicapped and would like to board now. The worker bluntly said no. Bryan immediately got mad and said I am a disabled veteran who was blown up in Iraq and I can’t stand in that long line so I will board now. The man said no because they were still cleaning the plane and the man in the wheelchair could hardly walk and needed extra time. Bryan and I sat back down. I was embarrassed on how Bryan reacted to the worker. He could have said it kinder and more gently but he always gets mad quickly nowadays. We did get to board shortly after but he was still upset that the man assumed that he was not disabled.
More Medical Problems
April 12th, 206
Bryan had been having breathing problems for quite a few months since his injury and it was continually getting worse. We were wondering if his breathing issues were from the burning sulfur that he inhaled on the first tour overseas. We also wondered if it could have been when he was ran over by a HUMVEE back in December. He had herniated two ribs but we weren’t sure if his lungs were affected since they hardly checked him out.
We went in for a CT scan and pulmonary test. He did well on the pulmonary test but not completely up to par. They put him on advent and albuterol when needed. His breathing issues seem somewhat better. The doctor called tonight and said that his CT scan looked normal. We were a bit worried because during the first deployment to Iraq he was exposed to burning sulfur for 4 months. We were afraid this had caused burns or other issues in his lungs. I am glad this turned out good. Another thing she did was put in a consult for a nutrionist because Bryan’s bad cholesterol is a bit high and his good is low. He has gained some weight but I can’t stop him from eating long amounts of sugar. He lives off caffeine and sugar. He won’t eat the healthy things I cook. I think he is using food as another way of coping. The high that the sugar gives him help him wake up from all the sleeping medications that he takes.
Bryan had been having breathing problems for quite a few months since his injury and it was continually getting worse. We were wondering if his breathing issues were from the burning sulfur that he inhaled on the first tour overseas. We also wondered if it could have been when he was ran over by a HUMVEE back in December. He had herniated two ribs but we weren’t sure if his lungs were affected since they hardly checked him out.
We went in for a CT scan and pulmonary test. He did well on the pulmonary test but not completely up to par. They put him on advent and albuterol when needed. His breathing issues seem somewhat better. The doctor called tonight and said that his CT scan looked normal. We were a bit worried because during the first deployment to Iraq he was exposed to burning sulfur for 4 months. We were afraid this had caused burns or other issues in his lungs. I am glad this turned out good. Another thing she did was put in a consult for a nutrionist because Bryan’s bad cholesterol is a bit high and his good is low. He has gained some weight but I can’t stop him from eating long amounts of sugar. He lives off caffeine and sugar. He won’t eat the healthy things I cook. I think he is using food as another way of coping. The high that the sugar gives him help him wake up from all the sleeping medications that he takes.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Crowded Places
April 11, 2007
Today Bryan was the pallbearer for his grandmother. He did a great job and I think he is at piece with his grandmother being gone. He is pretty non-emotional most days and didn’t shed a tear. I didn’t expect anything less as he is still on lots of medications and Zoloft. We headed back to his brothers house after the funeral and changed and hung out for a while before heading over to his parent’s house. There we played with our nephew on the floor while everyone talked. Of course Bryan’s mother was basically on top of him the entire time. She smothers him sometimes and I am not sure if she realizes it. After we left he was a little antsy and was feeling smothered by her. He expressed this to me and I had noticed that he was feeling this way. He can’t take being crowded anymore. I think this stems from his Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Today Bryan was the pallbearer for his grandmother. He did a great job and I think he is at piece with his grandmother being gone. He is pretty non-emotional most days and didn’t shed a tear. I didn’t expect anything less as he is still on lots of medications and Zoloft. We headed back to his brothers house after the funeral and changed and hung out for a while before heading over to his parent’s house. There we played with our nephew on the floor while everyone talked. Of course Bryan’s mother was basically on top of him the entire time. She smothers him sometimes and I am not sure if she realizes it. After we left he was a little antsy and was feeling smothered by her. He expressed this to me and I had noticed that he was feeling this way. He can’t take being crowded anymore. I think this stems from his Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
AER
April 10, 2007
We secured a flight from Army Emergency Relief and had to rush to get to the airport. We made it into St. Louis and rented a car and headed towards the funeral home. It was nice seeing everybody again. Some people who have not seen Bryan since his injury got to see him again. He is doing so well now that no one realizes that he is injured. I am glad he has no outward deformities. We had to tell and re-tell the story a thousand times over. Everyone asks the golden question of when he will be med boarded but we of course would like to know that answer too. I am ready for our life to begin the next stage.
We secured a flight from Army Emergency Relief and had to rush to get to the airport. We made it into St. Louis and rented a car and headed towards the funeral home. It was nice seeing everybody again. Some people who have not seen Bryan since his injury got to see him again. He is doing so well now that no one realizes that he is injured. I am glad he has no outward deformities. We had to tell and re-tell the story a thousand times over. Everyone asks the golden question of when he will be med boarded but we of course would like to know that answer too. I am ready for our life to begin the next stage.
Thursday, April 5, 2007
Death in the Family
April 5, 2007
The snow conditions are very bad and there are a lot of disabled veterans here. I was not sure what I was expecting when I got here but I did not imagine what I saw. I saw 50% of the veterans here in wheelchairs and have been for most of their lives. Another roughly 20% were blind and some others were missing limbs from Agent Orange. I thought I had seen some major dehabilitation problems at Walter Reed but compared to these men they are doing pretty well. At least the guys at Walter Reed will walk again with prosthetics and they will continue to get medical care. These guys are from Vietnam. They were injured or infected by Agent Orange and then dropped by the way side. Often times I feel that we have to fight for everything that Bryan is entitled too but at least he can get those benefits eventually. These men never got the chance and it was disheartening. They may not be quadriplegics or paraplegics had they been taken care of properly. It is a shame that these American heroes were treated this way and I hope and pray that another soldier does not have to experience this again.
This morning at 7 am we received a phone call from Bryan’s mother. For some odd reason she felt that she needed to tell me first that Bryan’s grandmother had passed away. We are in Aspen with two more days to go so I am not sure how we are going to arrange flights or how we are going to afford to pay for this. Bryan took the news well. She was old and was living in a nursing home. They said she went peacefully and I am glad that it wasn’t too uncomfortable for her. Bryan was supposed to have 5 interviews this next week and I was to start babysitting and working part time with Vocational Rehabilitation. I guess our life is on pause for now.
The snow conditions are very bad and there are a lot of disabled veterans here. I was not sure what I was expecting when I got here but I did not imagine what I saw. I saw 50% of the veterans here in wheelchairs and have been for most of their lives. Another roughly 20% were blind and some others were missing limbs from Agent Orange. I thought I had seen some major dehabilitation problems at Walter Reed but compared to these men they are doing pretty well. At least the guys at Walter Reed will walk again with prosthetics and they will continue to get medical care. These guys are from Vietnam. They were injured or infected by Agent Orange and then dropped by the way side. Often times I feel that we have to fight for everything that Bryan is entitled too but at least he can get those benefits eventually. These men never got the chance and it was disheartening. They may not be quadriplegics or paraplegics had they been taken care of properly. It is a shame that these American heroes were treated this way and I hope and pray that another soldier does not have to experience this again.
This morning at 7 am we received a phone call from Bryan’s mother. For some odd reason she felt that she needed to tell me first that Bryan’s grandmother had passed away. We are in Aspen with two more days to go so I am not sure how we are going to arrange flights or how we are going to afford to pay for this. Bryan took the news well. She was old and was living in a nursing home. They said she went peacefully and I am glad that it wasn’t too uncomfortable for her. Bryan was supposed to have 5 interviews this next week and I was to start babysitting and working part time with Vocational Rehabilitation. I guess our life is on pause for now.
Sunday, April 1, 2007
DAV
April 1, 2007
We are now in Aspen with the Disabled American Veterans winter sports clinic. We were so thankful for the opportunity to attend. If it weren't for the DAV and other organizations like this Bryan wouldn't get the chance to get part of his old life back. Thank you DAV!
Today we stood in line for 3 hours trying to get registered for all the different events. Bryan was a little bothered the entire time. One because he couldn’t stand for that long and also because he was feeling crowded by all the people. There was a kind lady who was informing us of VA benefits but she was a close talker. Bryan looked a little panicked and finally asked me to protect him. I tried to block her but she kept wedging in some how. Bryan was getting rather desperate and was asking me again to block him. I wish that he could handle the crowds but he just can’t and I don’t know how to help him feel relaxed. He was angry with me for not protecting him but I didn’t know how to make her stop without being rude. The lady was only trying to help. I just don’t understand Bryan at times. I know how it feels to be claustrophobic but I don’t know what it’s like to panic and want to flee.
We are now in Aspen with the Disabled American Veterans winter sports clinic. We were so thankful for the opportunity to attend. If it weren't for the DAV and other organizations like this Bryan wouldn't get the chance to get part of his old life back. Thank you DAV!
Today we stood in line for 3 hours trying to get registered for all the different events. Bryan was a little bothered the entire time. One because he couldn’t stand for that long and also because he was feeling crowded by all the people. There was a kind lady who was informing us of VA benefits but she was a close talker. Bryan looked a little panicked and finally asked me to protect him. I tried to block her but she kept wedging in some how. Bryan was getting rather desperate and was asking me again to block him. I wish that he could handle the crowds but he just can’t and I don’t know how to help him feel relaxed. He was angry with me for not protecting him but I didn’t know how to make her stop without being rude. The lady was only trying to help. I just don’t understand Bryan at times. I know how it feels to be claustrophobic but I don’t know what it’s like to panic and want to flee.
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