October 31, 2006
Today was a pretty good day overall. Bryan and I went to a Halloween party at a Virginia winery. The people there were so sweet and accommodating to us. I was a nurse and Bryan was the patient (very fitting right?) He really got into full costume by Bryan by wearing his hospital clothes and his wrist band. It was cute.
Bryan and I were pretty frustrated with each other. When we got home last night I went to empty his urinal bottle and it spilled all over me, all over the bathroom floor. I swear days like this I want to scream, I want to pull my hair out, I want to go to sleep, I want a break. Bryan said he was sorry and I know he was but it was still so frustrating. Some days I don’t know how I get through it. Some days I have never been happier to be with him. People don’t understand the day to day struggles that we have to go through.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Skin Graft
October 26th, 2006
That soupy burn wound on Bryan’s upper thigh is going to need a skin graft. We did not want this but it will not heal. It hurts for him to put pressure on it and it’s very close to his butt so it’s hard to keep the pressure off. Pre-op is on Wednesday...we will meet with the anesthesiologist and various other people. On Thursday will be the surgery. We don't have a time yet as to when the surgery will take place but I am sure it will be a long day.
We looked at the x-rays and the shrapnel in Bryan’s thigh is so deep that is in almost in the bone. Also it is lower than the burn so it is not trying to exit like we had originally thought. Our options were either to wait 6 or more months (or longer) for this to heal or do a skin graph. Bryan will not be able to do pool therapy unless his wounds are healed and that can hinder his overall rehabilitation so we want the wound healed.
Pre skin graph:
Post Graph
That soupy burn wound on Bryan’s upper thigh is going to need a skin graft. We did not want this but it will not heal. It hurts for him to put pressure on it and it’s very close to his butt so it’s hard to keep the pressure off. Pre-op is on Wednesday...we will meet with the anesthesiologist and various other people. On Thursday will be the surgery. We don't have a time yet as to when the surgery will take place but I am sure it will be a long day.
We looked at the x-rays and the shrapnel in Bryan’s thigh is so deep that is in almost in the bone. Also it is lower than the burn so it is not trying to exit like we had originally thought. Our options were either to wait 6 or more months (or longer) for this to heal or do a skin graph. Bryan will not be able to do pool therapy unless his wounds are healed and that can hinder his overall rehabilitation so we want the wound healed.
Pre skin graph:
Post Graph
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
More Doctor Appointments
October 25th, 2006
Well Today was very frustrating we waited two and a half hours to see the doc because rank matters and a General and another high ranking person was in there. Bryan is trying to walk around the room some to get used to the pain of walking. He does fairly well but he wobbles like a baby who is trying to learn to walk. It is hard to watch him walk as I want to catch him or hang on to him. He is doing well though. I am proud that he is trying to walk on his own.
Well Today was very frustrating we waited two and a half hours to see the doc because rank matters and a General and another high ranking person was in there. Bryan is trying to walk around the room some to get used to the pain of walking. He does fairly well but he wobbles like a baby who is trying to learn to walk. It is hard to watch him walk as I want to catch him or hang on to him. He is doing well though. I am proud that he is trying to walk on his own.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Bryan walked today
Bryan went to Physical Therapy today and I am so happy I had my camera on me to get the video. They wanted him to do some walking. He did an amazing job! I was on the phone with the doctor most of the time or I would have been thoroughly embarrassing him by screaming and cheering. I am so proud.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Another Wounded Soldier
October 22, 2006
Today I received an e-mail from another wounded soldier on myspace. He wrote me this: My wife and I will most likely be over at the Mologne house soon. They have us stowed up in the Hilton down the street till a room opens up over at that the Mol house. I am back here at WR to have a surgery to replace skull that was removed when they evaced me, i am seriously missing almost my entire right side of my skull, i've got a pic of the model of it in my pics, it's freaky. How is your husband? Hope you two are doing well. It breaks my heart even being a wounded guy myself seeing all of the other hurt guys. Well take care and give your husband my best.
I can’t believe this soldier is missing part of his skull it breaks my heart. I am so happy he e-mailed as we are both desperate to meet others like us. He is also from Tennessee which is even more comforting.
Today I received an e-mail from another wounded soldier on myspace. He wrote me this: My wife and I will most likely be over at the Mologne house soon. They have us stowed up in the Hilton down the street till a room opens up over at that the Mol house. I am back here at WR to have a surgery to replace skull that was removed when they evaced me, i am seriously missing almost my entire right side of my skull, i've got a pic of the model of it in my pics, it's freaky. How is your husband? Hope you two are doing well. It breaks my heart even being a wounded guy myself seeing all of the other hurt guys. Well take care and give your husband my best.
I can’t believe this soldier is missing part of his skull it breaks my heart. I am so happy he e-mailed as we are both desperate to meet others like us. He is also from Tennessee which is even more comforting.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Strangers Kindness
October 15, 2006
I e-mailed A's friend J and she was so kind in her response. She gave me some great advice and also offered her phone number if I ever need to talk. I can’t imagine what she goes through on a daily basis.
I know that Bryan’s medical conditions will somewhat be temporary. He hopefully won’t be in a wheelchair forever. I think that God only puts on you what you can handle. At times I doubt God and why this happened. I have learned very quickly how blessed we were. Bryan almost died from bleeding out because of his injuries. However most soldiers here are walking and living miracles. Their injuries are beyond unbelievable. At least Bryan can hide most of his injuries when they heal. They are not visible in everyday clothes. Some of the soldiers here hardly look like human beings. They are missing parts of their faces, missing 1-3 limbs, burned severely. How can you not question God, these are young men with their whole lives ahead of them? Now they have to learn how to resume their life with limiting injuries. How does life go on from here for them?
I e-mailed A's friend J and she was so kind in her response. She gave me some great advice and also offered her phone number if I ever need to talk. I can’t imagine what she goes through on a daily basis.
I know that Bryan’s medical conditions will somewhat be temporary. He hopefully won’t be in a wheelchair forever. I think that God only puts on you what you can handle. At times I doubt God and why this happened. I have learned very quickly how blessed we were. Bryan almost died from bleeding out because of his injuries. However most soldiers here are walking and living miracles. Their injuries are beyond unbelievable. At least Bryan can hide most of his injuries when they heal. They are not visible in everyday clothes. Some of the soldiers here hardly look like human beings. They are missing parts of their faces, missing 1-3 limbs, burned severely. How can you not question God, these are young men with their whole lives ahead of them? Now they have to learn how to resume their life with limiting injuries. How does life go on from here for them?
Saturday, October 14, 2006
My sisters Birthday
October 14, 2006
Today is my sisters birthday. I hate that I am not able to be with her but it's par for the course at this point. I miss being around m family. I miss my friends. I kinda feel like I am sitting out on a limb with no support. However today I received an e-mail from a kind Army wife. It really touched my heart since most of my friends besides S have dropped off the planet since Bryan was injured. This is what Amber wrote to me. My name is Amber and I am in the army wives group with you. I hope I am not being too forward with this but I saw from your picture that your husband's injury was really serious and for that I am deeply sorry. I wanted to let you know that my best friend's husband was in an accident about 4 years ago and he is now paralyzed from the chest down and confined to a wheel chair, I spoke with her and she let me know that if you want (totally up to you) you can contact her and ask her any questions you might have or vent - she knows, very will that even the most supportive wife can have her moments when she just wants to scream. I hope the best for both of you and please thank your husband for everything he has done for our country and thank you!With love, A
Complete strangers kindness never ceases to amaze me. I think I will e-mail her friend as I am overwhelmed at times dealing with all of this. I can’t explain how much I appreciate her offer.
Today is my sisters birthday. I hate that I am not able to be with her but it's par for the course at this point. I miss being around m family. I miss my friends. I kinda feel like I am sitting out on a limb with no support. However today I received an e-mail from a kind Army wife. It really touched my heart since most of my friends besides S have dropped off the planet since Bryan was injured. This is what Amber wrote to me. My name is Amber and I am in the army wives group with you. I hope I am not being too forward with this but I saw from your picture that your husband's injury was really serious and for that I am deeply sorry. I wanted to let you know that my best friend's husband was in an accident about 4 years ago and he is now paralyzed from the chest down and confined to a wheel chair, I spoke with her and she let me know that if you want (totally up to you) you can contact her and ask her any questions you might have or vent - she knows, very will that even the most supportive wife can have her moments when she just wants to scream. I hope the best for both of you and please thank your husband for everything he has done for our country and thank you!With love, A
Complete strangers kindness never ceases to amaze me. I think I will e-mail her friend as I am overwhelmed at times dealing with all of this. I can’t explain how much I appreciate her offer.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Please Stand Up
October 11, 2006
Bryan had his follow up doc appointment today. It went well. We were worried about his foot turning out but the reason for this is because his capsule on his knee is gone and the knee can't hold the foot up. He has mobility in the foot therefore with a lot of physical therapy it should fix it. Dr. Providence was a bit worried about the wound on the back of the leg; he said he hopes he doesn't have to do a skin graph. I thought we were out of the woods for that but I guess not. We are now trying a new treatment. Also he can start cleaning his legs in the shower with Dial soap, I was so excited about that except they don't sell it here on base so we have to go get some tomorrow. Also once all the wounds heal we will do a lot of therapy in the pool.
On to the good news.,Bryan can start weight bearing now! The doc was like hang on let me get the therapist. She walked in and was like ok your going to stand now, let me get a walker. We were like NOW??? She said yeah. So Bryan stood for about 5 seconds. It was awesome. I feel amazing and I know he does too. I can’t believe that 3 months later he is standing. I got lots of good pictures of every moment he was standing. We call tomorrow to set up regular PT appointments 5 days a week. Also we have to start going to formations on Fridays at 7:30, I am not looking forward to that. We also might be getting kicked out of the Mologne house soon and moving into an apartment or to Ft. Meade. This is because we are married and assigned here. Apparently if you are assigned to the Medical Holding Company you can not stay in the Mologne House. I think this is a shame as Bryan is still in a wheelchair and we haven’t in processed finance. It is very expensive to live here so I am not sure how we can afford to move out. We are not sure yet but that is what the doc was suggesting and Med Hold said since he is assigned here they will move us out of here.
Then on Monday night we were laying in bed around 10:30 about to go to sleep and this soldier walks into our room. This room was his but his roommate moved out and he went on 4 day weekend with all his stuff. They moved him out of the room without telling him and him thought Bryan was his new roommate. It was a big mess and I was very embarrassed for him to see me in bed. They had to go downstairs to fix it. Then yesterday his roommate was trying to get in our room but luckily they had changed the locks. What a mess.
Bryan had his follow up doc appointment today. It went well. We were worried about his foot turning out but the reason for this is because his capsule on his knee is gone and the knee can't hold the foot up. He has mobility in the foot therefore with a lot of physical therapy it should fix it. Dr. Providence was a bit worried about the wound on the back of the leg; he said he hopes he doesn't have to do a skin graph. I thought we were out of the woods for that but I guess not. We are now trying a new treatment. Also he can start cleaning his legs in the shower with Dial soap, I was so excited about that except they don't sell it here on base so we have to go get some tomorrow. Also once all the wounds heal we will do a lot of therapy in the pool.
On to the good news.,Bryan can start weight bearing now! The doc was like hang on let me get the therapist. She walked in and was like ok your going to stand now, let me get a walker. We were like NOW??? She said yeah. So Bryan stood for about 5 seconds. It was awesome. I feel amazing and I know he does too. I can’t believe that 3 months later he is standing. I got lots of good pictures of every moment he was standing. We call tomorrow to set up regular PT appointments 5 days a week. Also we have to start going to formations on Fridays at 7:30, I am not looking forward to that. We also might be getting kicked out of the Mologne house soon and moving into an apartment or to Ft. Meade. This is because we are married and assigned here. Apparently if you are assigned to the Medical Holding Company you can not stay in the Mologne House. I think this is a shame as Bryan is still in a wheelchair and we haven’t in processed finance. It is very expensive to live here so I am not sure how we can afford to move out. We are not sure yet but that is what the doc was suggesting and Med Hold said since he is assigned here they will move us out of here.
Then on Monday night we were laying in bed around 10:30 about to go to sleep and this soldier walks into our room. This room was his but his roommate moved out and he went on 4 day weekend with all his stuff. They moved him out of the room without telling him and him thought Bryan was his new roommate. It was a big mess and I was very embarrassed for him to see me in bed. They had to go downstairs to fix it. Then yesterday his roommate was trying to get in our room but luckily they had changed the locks. What a mess.
Sunday, October 8, 2006
Suicide
October 8th, 2006
When we landed in D.C. we called the Mologne House to check on our room again. We told them this time that we had a confirmation number and guess what the room was actually reserved like it was supposed to be. I was amazed. We got there and I had to haul all of our stuff to our room on the second floor. Unfortunately the door facings aren’t as wide as the other floors so I had quite a time trying to get our bags to our room. I am so tired I just wish that sometimes I had some help.
Once we got settled into our room Bryan and I were laying in bed talking about this miserable place to live in. He started bawling crying to me. He could hardly breath he was so upset. He had his head bent down and he looked ashamed. I didn’t know how to console him or make him feel better. He was looking forward to coming back to Walter Reed because he feels normal here and no one stares. Once he is here he doesn’t want to be here. He knows it’s going to be a long road. He is sorry that he is making me go through this. I felt so bad for him; all I could do was hold him. I asked him if he was suicidal and he said yes. I was not expecting this answer but in college we were asked one day in class to look at the person next to us and ask them if they wanted to commit suicide. The partner’s response was to be yes. I remember this unnerving me all day having to ask this question, I never knew it was preparing me to ask this of my spouse.
I asked him if he wanted to go to the hospital and see if we can get in touch with a psychiatrist and he said no. I discreetly locked all his medications and his knives and anything sharp in the safe and kept out only the ones that he needed for that night. I will do this until I feel he is capable of being around them. It is so heartbreaking to see him this way. I was not expecting the emotion that he would face once he was back here. I wanted to break down too but I managed to hold it together. I know neither of us envisioned our life like this, living in a hotel, seeing everyone so young and broken. I can’t wait until it is over and we can get on with our lives. I don’t want Bryan to feel like a freak anymore and I want him to have his independence back.
It is extremely hard to hear that your husband doesn’t want to exist anymore. I am not sure how to process it. I am going to track down the psychiatrist that we saw in the hospital and get into some regular counseling. I think we both need this. I suggest anyone going through this should do the same thing. It’s great to have someone to vent to and to manage the feelings.
When we landed in D.C. we called the Mologne House to check on our room again. We told them this time that we had a confirmation number and guess what the room was actually reserved like it was supposed to be. I was amazed. We got there and I had to haul all of our stuff to our room on the second floor. Unfortunately the door facings aren’t as wide as the other floors so I had quite a time trying to get our bags to our room. I am so tired I just wish that sometimes I had some help.
Once we got settled into our room Bryan and I were laying in bed talking about this miserable place to live in. He started bawling crying to me. He could hardly breath he was so upset. He had his head bent down and he looked ashamed. I didn’t know how to console him or make him feel better. He was looking forward to coming back to Walter Reed because he feels normal here and no one stares. Once he is here he doesn’t want to be here. He knows it’s going to be a long road. He is sorry that he is making me go through this. I felt so bad for him; all I could do was hold him. I asked him if he was suicidal and he said yes. I was not expecting this answer but in college we were asked one day in class to look at the person next to us and ask them if they wanted to commit suicide. The partner’s response was to be yes. I remember this unnerving me all day having to ask this question, I never knew it was preparing me to ask this of my spouse.
I asked him if he wanted to go to the hospital and see if we can get in touch with a psychiatrist and he said no. I discreetly locked all his medications and his knives and anything sharp in the safe and kept out only the ones that he needed for that night. I will do this until I feel he is capable of being around them. It is so heartbreaking to see him this way. I was not expecting the emotion that he would face once he was back here. I wanted to break down too but I managed to hold it together. I know neither of us envisioned our life like this, living in a hotel, seeing everyone so young and broken. I can’t wait until it is over and we can get on with our lives. I don’t want Bryan to feel like a freak anymore and I want him to have his independence back.
It is extremely hard to hear that your husband doesn’t want to exist anymore. I am not sure how to process it. I am going to track down the psychiatrist that we saw in the hospital and get into some regular counseling. I think we both need this. I suggest anyone going through this should do the same thing. It’s great to have someone to vent to and to manage the feelings.
Friday, October 6, 2006
Back to Hell
October 6, 2006
We are supposed to head back to D.C. on Sunday afternoon...that is if they scheduled my flight. Of course the good ole' Army didn't do what they were supposed to and they didn't book me a return flight. Then we called about our room because they reserved us a room when we left. They put the room in my name instead of Bryan's so they cancelled it because I am not a soldier. They said they were going to put Bryan in a room with another soldier until he told them I was coming too. Hopefully we will have a room to stay in when we get there. Who knows?
Nonetheless it was great seeing everyone while we were here. We were extremely busy the entire time we were home and the time went by too fast. We are not sure when we will be home again. We are selling our house and plan on buying another when it's time to come home for good.
Bryan has an orthopedic appointment on Wednesday I will let everyone know how it goes. Bryan's foot has healed turned out so we are not sure what is going to happen. We are not happy with how it is healed and we would hate for him to have to walk with a turned out foot. I will let you know what we find out.
We are supposed to head back to D.C. on Sunday afternoon...that is if they scheduled my flight. Of course the good ole' Army didn't do what they were supposed to and they didn't book me a return flight. Then we called about our room because they reserved us a room when we left. They put the room in my name instead of Bryan's so they cancelled it because I am not a soldier. They said they were going to put Bryan in a room with another soldier until he told them I was coming too. Hopefully we will have a room to stay in when we get there. Who knows?
Nonetheless it was great seeing everyone while we were here. We were extremely busy the entire time we were home and the time went by too fast. We are not sure when we will be home again. We are selling our house and plan on buying another when it's time to come home for good.
Bryan has an orthopedic appointment on Wednesday I will let everyone know how it goes. Bryan's foot has healed turned out so we are not sure what is going to happen. We are not happy with how it is healed and we would hate for him to have to walk with a turned out foot. I will let you know what we find out.
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