My Proudest Day

September 28th, 2006
This is a great day. The weather is nice and we are heading to Ft. Campbell. Today was the day that Bryan got pinned with one of the highest honors, the Purple Heart. I am ecstatic. I am the proud wife of a combat wounded soldier. He was wounded two months ago to the day. He also got a second Bronze Star which is actually a higher honor than the Purple Heart. He also got his Combat Action Badge and 2 ARCOMS. It was a very proud day. The look on his soldier’s faces was amazing. They were so happy to be re-united with their chief, their friend, their brother. Everyone was talking about how much better he looked. I feel like I can step back and truly see the bond that they have. I am not a part of that bond; they know what each other has been through. They have survived a third world country with the threat of IEDs going off on every mission. They went through the stress together and they also had some fun along the way.

I got everything on video and took pictures. I was chocking back tears when they bent down to pin him. What an honor that I thought he would never receive but I am glad that he is alive. I had chills the entire time watching them it was an emotional day.

We also met PV2 S who was wounded in the first 36 hours of being in Iraq. He is a bilateral below the knee amputee. He stood almost the entire time of the ceremony and it was great to witness. They are in Texas and really said it is a nice place to be and it’s clean.

It was a great day seeing my husband receive his purple heart. Of course it was surreal, as I was really optimistic about him not getting wounded this deployment. Unfortunately his back was to us during the ceremony so it was hard to get pictures. I know his guys were so happy to see him alive.

These men are average soldiers; they aren't Special Forces or Commissioned Officers. They are your average enlisted soldiers. All of these men here today were in the artillery but doing infantrymen jobs. This time around there was no difference between artillery and infantry, they all run missions. With this being said I see no difference in the ranks or specialization of these men, they joined the military to serve their country and freely went to war when needed. This is a different war than the wars of the past. They aren’t using guns or helicopters, they run the streets watching for roadside bombs, improvised explosive devices and rocket propelled grenades. The enemy is cleaver and unseen.

For some reason Bryan did not tell his parents that he was getting pinned today. I imagine they wanted to be here but I think honestly that Bryan was just concerned about being with his men. My favorite picture thus far is Bryan with his men, his Patriot 1 squad. What an amazing brotherhood.

Hanging at the PX

September 24, 2006
Today we headed to the Post Exchange to do a little shopping. As we were walking in I saw one of the fathers of the twins that I babysat. Bryan ironically knew him in Germany before I knew them here. He was happy to see Bryan and thought that he looked well. I know all the soldiers here at Ft. Campbell wonder what has happened to him but I stand proudly by him. He is still here and that is all that matters at this point. Bryan’s best soldier L met us at the PX on his lunch break. It is so great to see them together it really is like they are long lost Brothers.

Also we went from the PXtra to the commissary which is only a short walk away, but we needed to load the car with groceries. It is so hard to load and unload the wheelchair so Bryan decided to wheel over there.

The Day he Left for Iraq..one year ago

September 23, 2006
One year ago today Bryan left for Iraq. I never expected him to come home wounded. It was so emotional that day one year ago. I will never forget that feeling of another year without him. I knew I could do it because we had done it before but this time was different we are married, there is a lot more at stake. I am glad that he is home I just wish he was not injured. I knew there was a chance that he would not come back at all or come back wounded. I had always convinced myself that with the number of men there the odds were in my favor that my husband would not be causality.

Here is a picture of Bryan leaving at the crack of dawn. We waited all night for them to leave. I didn't get to spend any extra time with him because he was helping his soldiers get sqaured away but I wasn't leaving until they boarded the bus. I slept on the concrete front stoop of the building until it was time to go. My mom was with me as I wasn't sure that I could handle sending him off for a second time.



Today is the triplet’s birthday and we went to the gymnastics center for their birthday party. It was great to see all the kids that I kept over the summer. Bryan couldn’t get around the center so we hung out for about an hour and headed back home.

Homeless Valet

September 22, 2006
Today is my mom’s birthday and we are excited that we get to spend it with her. We are going to a bar/restaurant in downtown Nashville. We get there and there was a huge lip on the door jam. It took about 5 times to get him into the door. The dinner went well and we had a good time. We are ready to go home and my mom’s friend Jimmy is meeting us outside with the car so we don’t have to go that far to get it. We go outside and this homeless man grabs Bryan’s wheelchair handles and starts pushing him down the street. He tries to push him across the crosswalk in the wrong direction. It was so frightening because he was wheeling Bryan rapidly. My mom and I start running after him and we get to the car. This man tried picking Bryan up to put him in the car. Finally my mom handed him 10 dollars and told him thanks for his help. I swear it’s always something everywhere we go.

2-320th FAR Homecoming

Today is the day that my husband's unit comes home. We wanted to be there and were so glad his leave worked out where we could be there. I was a bit emotional as I wanted Bryan to be coming home with them, not the way that he came. At the same time I was glad that no one else was hurt. We arrived a bit early and trying to get him in with his wheelchair was a bit of a challenge. We parked him in the front on the side. I think he was a little panicked about the size of the crowd but he had taken quite a few morphine so that probably helped. They all marched in and I got chills. I was glad to see them again and I know Bryan was too. I wore the outfit that I had picked out for his homecoming.

They did their ceremony and when it was over some of his men were coming to him before their wives. We kept telling them to go see their families first and then come talk we weren't going anywhere. They refused. After everyone met with their families they lined up to talk to Bryan. It was an amazing and overwhelming site. They respected him and I know they were put at ease by seeing him.

We got some pictures with his guys and I will cherish them forever. They will be leaving again in a year for 15 months.







Bryan and I back home:

Kitchen Sink Becomes Bath

September 12, 2006
Getting Bryan into the bathroom everyday is a challenge so we wash his hair every other day in the kitchen sink. I know it is so hard for him to get his head into the sink and it’s hard for me to keep the soap out of his eyes. He also brushes his teeth in the kitchen sink because he can’t get into the bathroom. It is a bit dehumanizing to use the kitchen sink as a bathroom. Bryan hasn’t had a real shower in almost 2 months. He can only get parts of himself clean. I know he will be so happy when he can. The smell of his wounds is something I will never forget. It's like rotting decomposing flesh. It smells like death and decay it makes me sick. Some days I am gagging while cleaning his wounds I spray all the cleaners on it but it doesn't help. The smell is burned into my nose, I will never forget it.

Today the triplets and their parents came by. It was so good to see them. P was amazed at how different Bryan looked from when he was first injured. We had P go over the discharge summary with us so that we knew more of what happened and what procedures they did. It was great to have it all explained to us in laymen’s terms.

I missed the triplets so much. They were being adorable and so much fun. They were a little shy around Bryan and didn’t quite understand why he couldn’t walk and what was on his feet. They did well overall, they are so adaptive. They are moving to Hawaii soon and I am afraid I won’t get to see them before they leave. I will miss them so much.

Furniture Sliders

September 10, 2006
Today I went out and got the furniture sliders and it worked! I knew I would get him in that shower. He loves to get his upper half of his body clean so we made it work. It was hard but we managed it. I swear the little triumphs in this process make the day so much better. I feel bad however because he has to use the restroom in bottles or in the potty chair in the dining room. Gross I know. We had no where else to put it. Cleaning it out almost makes me throw up but that is the only way he can go to the restroom. I keep reminding myself that I have to do what I have to do.

We have not attempted to be intimate. I wonder how this will even happen or when. I know this is probably too much information but I have been deprived for most of the year so it is something I want with my husband of barely a year. I am trying to be patient.

Home Sweet Home

September 9, 2006
This morning started off with lots of excitement to go home. We got to the airport and we were browsing at the sunglasses because we had some time to kill. Bryan had his desert backpack on his wheelchair and his legs were straight out. This man walks over and insists that he buy a pair of sunglasses for him. The ones that he really liked were 250 dollars and we told the man no these were too expensive. He insisted to buy them but his plane was leaving so he left the cash on the counter and told Bryan thank you and walked off. We will never see this man again and he was so kind to buy Bryan sunglasses. What a sincere gesture. We then decide to go over and get some pizza. This man and his son who was in a boy scout uniform insisted on buying our lunch. Bryan took out some Iraqi dinars and handed them to the little boy. It was so kind of them to buy our lunch, it really makes my heart melt. I went to the restroom because I was feeling very emotional. I went in the stall and called my mom to tell her what happened. I started crying just talking about it. I am so glad that people still care about the wounded. I really think people don’t really know what happens to them.

We try to get onto the plane. They were going to take him on one of those isle chairs but Bryan insisted on getting in as far as he could and transferring. He tries to swing in and he smacks his legs against the chairs. I felt so bad for him; he was in pain the entire flight. The pilot got on the speaker as we took off and informed everyone on the plane that there was a hero on board who was coming back from Iraq. Everyone started clapping and I was choking back the tears. As we were landing they got on the speaker again and said don’t forget our hero up front and his wife. They say that Army wives have the toughest job in the Army and everyone started clapping for us. It was a great welcome.

Wow it’s great to be back in our home. We drove into the driveway and my friends had decorated our house with signs. It was so sweet, now I feel like Bryan did when he came home. Then we went into the garage and they had a bag of spaghetti noodles and sauce waiting. So sweet. The VA had put a temporary wheelchair ramp into the garage. It’s huge and goes all the way to the end of the garage but it gets him into the house so that is all that matters. The VA in Nashville was so good about setting up everything and coordinating with my mom to get the house accessible for Bryan. They had the ramp set up as well as a potty chair and shower bench for Bryan. They have been an enormous help.

We go inside and I had flash backs of when Bryan came home from Iraq on R&R leave the first time and he hadn’t seen our house before. He went running around all the rooms exploring it for the first time. I will never forget the look he had on his face. I am glad to be around our things and in our bed but I didn’t realize the challenges that would come with bringing him home so early. His wheelchair won’t fit through the bathroom door. I know that he wants to be able to take a partial shower now that he is home but I don’t know how to get him in there. He uses these plastic boots that go over his cam boots so that he can get the upper part of his body wet and it makes him feel much better when he can shower.
So as I lay in bed I am trying to figure out ways to get him in there. It dawns on me that those plastic furniture movers would work underneath his shower bench. I can put them under there and he could park his wheelchair in the door facing and then transfer to it. I can slide him into the bathroom he can transfer to the toilet and back onto the bench for his shower. I will try anything to get him some of the small comforts of life

These Boots Weren't Made for Walking

September 8th, 2006
Tomorrow we will be home at 3:30....after running all over the hospital for 8 hours each day since Monday we are finally getting out of here. It has been completely crazy. Apparently the doctors cannot write a prescription for all of Bryan’s wound dressings so we have to get them home. Luckily Dad was here and was able to drive them back otherwise we could not have gotten 5 large brown bags on the plane with us. I loaded up Bryan at the medical supply room like a shopping cart. He literally couldn’t see over all the bags of medical gauzes.

Bryan got his splints taken off today and he is now in "walking cam boots" although he will not be weight bearing for another 8 weeks. They look pretty good but aren't as comfortable and will defiantly hurt when his foot falls on mine in the middle of the night. We will be able to take them off when he is in the shower we just can't saturate the wounds quite yet.

Dad came and picked us up at the hospital. It was nearly impossible to get everything into his car as well as all the supplies that we have to take back. Dad is also taking some of the things that we have gotten while at Walter Reed so we don’t have to store it. He took a picture of us in the backseat we barely fit it was quite comical. Well off to return the rental car.

Flashbacks

September 7th, 2006
Today we tried to go to the cafeteria over at the hospital for food but they were closed. I asked Bryan if he was up for a short car ride out to get something to eat. We were nervous but he wanted to. We managed to get him into the car without putting pressure on his legs. He had to sit in the back seat since this rental car is so tiny and he can’t bend his legs. The wheelchair barely fit in the trunk and I had a hard time getting it in there on my own. We to Downtown Silver Springs about 10 minutes from Walter Reed. The ride was pretty traumatic for him. He was gasping and clenching his fists. I was wondering what was going on. I was trying to drive slow so it wouldn't jar his legs. When I asked him why he kept freaking out he told me that he was scared that a bomb might go off. The man hole covers and debris in the road freaked him out. He thought it might be an IED. This broke my heart. I had no idea it would be this scary for him.

We finally arrived and I got Bryan into the wheelchair and we decided to walk up the road that was along side the parking garage. We saw a Quiznos and that is where Bryan wanted to eat. It was up a hill so I strained to push him up there. His wheelchair kept tipping backwards because all the weight is on the front with his legs being straight out. Needless to say it was a bit of a challenge. We get to the door and I see a handicap button that you can push to open the door. I tried it and it didn’t work. This door was barely wide enough for Bryan to get in anyways. The clerk saw us struggling to get the door open and get in so he ran to help. This man was from Pakistan and was wearing a turban. I was not sure how Bryan was going to react seeing a man that looked so similar to an Iraqi. Bryan did have panic on his face so I asked him if he wanted to leave. He said no. The man was very nice and asked what happened to Bryan. We told him he was injured by an IED in Iraq. He apologized and gave us 20% off of our meal. I thought it was very nice of him to do it. We had a good lunch and felt somewhat normal to be out.

Bryan just looked so different and everyone was staring. We got back in the car and Bryan was stressed out about the ride back. Every pothole or piece of anything in the road freaked him out. Welcome to the world of PTSD. I guess I didn’t think too much about him having some anxiety about riding on the road. However when you have been in Iraq for almost a year for the second time I guess the road is a scary place. You always think that whatever is in the road is a bomb. He was stressing me out about it because I couldn’t control the bumps in the road and I was driving as careful as I could. He tends to forget that in America it’s safe to drive on these roads. This makes me sad. I think we will keep driving to a minimum for a little while longer.

Nats Vs. Cardinals Game

One day I was extremely bored at the Mologne house and was looking at the table where free stuff is laid out and events going on. I grabbed a baseball schedule and listed was a gentleman's name that took soldiers to baseball games. I asked Bryan if he wanted to go to the Cardnials game and he said yes, surprisingly. My dad was going to tag along as well if he had enough tickets. I called the gentleman and he was thrilled to take us and would get a ticket for dad. He arranged for a special wheelchair accessible van (we forgot to tell him Bryan can transfer into a car, we felt horrible) and he came to get us. We stapped Bryan in and headed to the game. I was stoked to get out and enjoy a nice day. We had covered seats and the gentleman who took offered us money to get snacks, we declined the money. This man was so generous already.

On a break from the game we went out to buy some souviners and we met a gentleman from NYC. He offered to buy Bryan a baseball and put his phone number on there and offered us a place to stay in NY.

As we headed back from the game the gentleman told us history of DC that most people don't know. He was so kind and it was a great day to be out.

Wheelchair Challenges

September 5, 2006
Today was my father’s birthday. I was hoping it would be a fairly easy day running around the hospital trying to get signatures, medications, and gauzes for convalescent leave but again it wasn’t. We went to dinner and this small sushi restaurant in Tenley Town. There was of course no parking so we parked on the street next to the curb. The challenging thing was trying to get him from the SUV to the wheelchair. We couldn’t get the wheelchair close to the car. Dad pretty much carried Bryan over to his wheelchair. Bryan and I struggled to get him in the door of the restaurant. Who knew trying to get into a restaurant could be so hard. This lady stared at us and said to the person sitting across from her “how could that guy possibly break both of his legs” I wanted to strangle her.

Then Bryan said he had to go to the restroom, I asked where the men’s room was and it was about 12 stairs up…Bryan can’t walk. So I tried to get him into the space in the entryway to the ladies room but there was a step. We left the restaurant where I pushed him up a hill 3 blocks to go into another restroom. The restaurant was spacious but he could not get into the men’s room. I ended up getting him into the women’s room. Why does it have to be so hard for my husband to go to the restroom? I have a hard time keeping my head on straight some days. I feel like I am going to explode because it just can’t be easy for him.

Dad is in Town

September 1st, 2006
My dad is in town this week but we are hardly able to see him since we have spent 8 hour days at the hospital trying to get leave arraigned to come home. I feel bad as I was hoping to relax more once we were outpatient. Luckily he has some friends that live here so he is staying with them and they are keeping him somewhat entertained.

We did manage to get out in Silver Springs, MD to get something to eat. We got tons of stares but it was nice to get out.