August 31st, 2006
Today we got a nasty letter under our door saying that Bryan needs to in-process med hold. We called them and they said he can wait until he gets back to in-process. Later that day we found out that he does need to in-process after all so we have been running around all day trying to get the paperwork that they need. I think it is rather ridiculous that they make these newly discharged soldiers run all over base to in-process. They should come to the room and do it. No to mention it is raining and there are lots of hills around here. I am completely exhausted from this process.
Last night Bryan had to get up at 2 am to take his medications. We do this so that he can keep on top of the pain. He had one compartment with about 10 instant release morphine tablets for his break through pain. He accidently took those instead of his normal dose of sustained release morphine. He looks at me and says he took 10 instant release morphine. I started to panic because that is a lot of morphine. However he was on a stronger medication in the hospital and a lot higher dose. We stayed awake for an hour to make sure he wasn’t having any weird side effects. We have decided to lay out only what he needs for that night so this doesn’t happen again.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Being Discharged
August 30th, 2006
This morning is the last day that Bryan will be in the hospital. While we were waiting on the discharge summary a man name R.J. Mede came in from the Wounded Warrior Project. He gave Bryan a backpack with lots of great tee shirts, hooded sweatshirts, socks, and even a baby tee for me. His energy was great and I was so happy he came by. What a great organization! His social worker came by and checked to see if we needed anything else. I gave him a hug and thanked him for all he has done for us. He has really been amazing! He got Bryan’s wheelchair, told us about TSGLI, and anything else we needed to know while here.
Bryan has been discharged of the hospital and now we are in the Mologne House. It is so nice to be in a clean environment without people barging in all the time. It will be a lot more work but I am sure I can handle it. He pulled a piece of shrapnel out of his leg yesterday and the spot looks good. Other than that he is still on the highest dose of Morphine IR and SR that is possible and also on the highest dose of neurontin for the pain. Bryan has to pack the abscess wound himself and I dress the others. I can’t stand to see that hole in his leg so I am glad that he will do it. I never knew that I could dress wounds. I have an extremely weak stomach and can’t stand the sight of blood. But this is what we have to do until he is completely healed. I don’t know if I am doing it right but I hope that I am.
I have to resign from my job. That is not a great thing but we will be ok. They could only hold my position for 3 months and we will be in this process for longer than that. They are planning on putting me on the top of the list for hiring for any position that I am qualified for when we are settled and I am able to work again. I am disappointed because I really enjoyed my co-workers and my job. Hopefully I can work there again in the future.
This morning is the last day that Bryan will be in the hospital. While we were waiting on the discharge summary a man name R.J. Mede came in from the Wounded Warrior Project. He gave Bryan a backpack with lots of great tee shirts, hooded sweatshirts, socks, and even a baby tee for me. His energy was great and I was so happy he came by. What a great organization! His social worker came by and checked to see if we needed anything else. I gave him a hug and thanked him for all he has done for us. He has really been amazing! He got Bryan’s wheelchair, told us about TSGLI, and anything else we needed to know while here.
Bryan has been discharged of the hospital and now we are in the Mologne House. It is so nice to be in a clean environment without people barging in all the time. It will be a lot more work but I am sure I can handle it. He pulled a piece of shrapnel out of his leg yesterday and the spot looks good. Other than that he is still on the highest dose of Morphine IR and SR that is possible and also on the highest dose of neurontin for the pain. Bryan has to pack the abscess wound himself and I dress the others. I can’t stand to see that hole in his leg so I am glad that he will do it. I never knew that I could dress wounds. I have an extremely weak stomach and can’t stand the sight of blood. But this is what we have to do until he is completely healed. I don’t know if I am doing it right but I hope that I am.
I have to resign from my job. That is not a great thing but we will be ok. They could only hold my position for 3 months and we will be in this process for longer than that. They are planning on putting me on the top of the list for hiring for any position that I am qualified for when we are settled and I am able to work again. I am disappointed because I really enjoyed my co-workers and my job. Hopefully I can work there again in the future.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Going Home Soon...Maybe
August 28th, 2006
My dad is coming here next weekend and is going to stay for about a week. We are hoping to take convalescent leave around the 8th or 9th of Sept. We hope to stay 30 days but we are a bit nervous since our house is not conducive for a wheelchair. We want to be there for when the guys come home and that should be around the 12th of Sept. We will have to work out a way to fly business class because his legs have to stay out and non-weight bearing.
In order to stay home for 30 days we will have to completely move out of the hotel and then we will get a new room when we get back. We are hoping to leave our stuff with some people we know here so that I don't have to re buy everything that make our hotel life easier.
We would love to have visitors but also need recovery time and time to ourselves. Of course everyone would have to come to us because traveling is going to be an issue. It's all kind of up in the air right now so none of this is definite.
Bryan got new splints again today and got all the stitches in his lower leg taken out. He also had an abscess wound yesterday that squirted a lot of nasty stuff. He was sitting in his bed and I was playing on the internet. He started yelling get the nurse, get the nurse. I was like what he said I am bleeding everywhere. I ran and got them, they said that what happened was the stitches were at the top of the wound and it didn’t go deep enough into the wound therefore it healed on top but the wound was soupy on the inside. The docs squeezed a lot more out today and packed it. We are hoping it doesn't develop infection. I finally got to see Bryan's x-rays for the first time. They were very interesting. I got to see the plates which look fairly small but had holes in them. On the right foot he had seven screws and on the left 4. We also looked through the rest of the x-rays for shrapnel. There was one piece lodged behind his tibia also two pieces below the knee. I am not sure how big they are or what they are. They will not remove them unless they cause problems later on down the road because it causes more damage than it is worth to take them out.
My dad is coming here next weekend and is going to stay for about a week. We are hoping to take convalescent leave around the 8th or 9th of Sept. We hope to stay 30 days but we are a bit nervous since our house is not conducive for a wheelchair. We want to be there for when the guys come home and that should be around the 12th of Sept. We will have to work out a way to fly business class because his legs have to stay out and non-weight bearing.
In order to stay home for 30 days we will have to completely move out of the hotel and then we will get a new room when we get back. We are hoping to leave our stuff with some people we know here so that I don't have to re buy everything that make our hotel life easier.
We would love to have visitors but also need recovery time and time to ourselves. Of course everyone would have to come to us because traveling is going to be an issue. It's all kind of up in the air right now so none of this is definite.
Bryan got new splints again today and got all the stitches in his lower leg taken out. He also had an abscess wound yesterday that squirted a lot of nasty stuff. He was sitting in his bed and I was playing on the internet. He started yelling get the nurse, get the nurse. I was like what he said I am bleeding everywhere. I ran and got them, they said that what happened was the stitches were at the top of the wound and it didn’t go deep enough into the wound therefore it healed on top but the wound was soupy on the inside. The docs squeezed a lot more out today and packed it. We are hoping it doesn't develop infection. I finally got to see Bryan's x-rays for the first time. They were very interesting. I got to see the plates which look fairly small but had holes in them. On the right foot he had seven screws and on the left 4. We also looked through the rest of the x-rays for shrapnel. There was one piece lodged behind his tibia also two pieces below the knee. I am not sure how big they are or what they are. They will not remove them unless they cause problems later on down the road because it causes more damage than it is worth to take them out.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Visitors
Today was a long and quiet day at the hospital. There were not many visitors and Bryan was pretty quiet. Around dinner time this gentleman by the name of Jim Mayer came by and brought us milkshakes. Apparently he is known for coming onto Ward 57 and bringing milkshakes to the soldiers. He was Wounded in Action 30 something years ago and is a double below the kneee (BK) amputee. He told us that on Friday nights they take soldiers and families from the Moglone house and inpatient to a place to have dinner. He gave us an invitation and we told him we weren't ready to get out of the hospital just yet. However we would love to come at a later date. We were excited to hear of things to do and ways to meet other soldiers in situations like us. We are so thankful he took part of his weekend to come and visit us.
Friday, August 25, 2006
Ozzy
Today we were just hanging out in the hospital and a lady came in and asked Bryan if he wanted to meet Ozzy Osborne. Bryan and I said sure. He came in and talked with us, gave us some c.d.s, and bandannas. Bryan got the most hilarious picture with him. He wanted to put his hair on Bryan's Head.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
The View Under the Casts
August 23rd, 2006
I came to the hospital this morning and my husband was not in his room. I asked around and no one knew where he was. Finally the tech said he was in the cast room and she took me down there. It was the first time that I got to see for myself underneath the splints. The left heel's incision was worse than the right and I was surprised considering the right was worse and has been causing all the pain. The places look pretty nasty but I think they will heal well because it was a scalpel caused incision therefore the scars will be flat unlike the wounds from the shrapnel. There are about 100 stitches running up the inside of his right leg and roughly 75 running up the outside of his left leg. He also has some decent sizes pieces of shrapnel in his inner right leg. I wished I had brought my camera to take pics but did not. The right foot was pretty swollen and his calf muscles are deteriorating but soon enough we will be working on that in PT. Just thought you all might like to know. He is now back in huge splints...these are the biggest ones yet.
I came to the hospital this morning and my husband was not in his room. I asked around and no one knew where he was. Finally the tech said he was in the cast room and she took me down there. It was the first time that I got to see for myself underneath the splints. The left heel's incision was worse than the right and I was surprised considering the right was worse and has been causing all the pain. The places look pretty nasty but I think they will heal well because it was a scalpel caused incision therefore the scars will be flat unlike the wounds from the shrapnel. There are about 100 stitches running up the inside of his right leg and roughly 75 running up the outside of his left leg. He also has some decent sizes pieces of shrapnel in his inner right leg. I wished I had brought my camera to take pics but did not. The right foot was pretty swollen and his calf muscles are deteriorating but soon enough we will be working on that in PT. Just thought you all might like to know. He is now back in huge splints...these are the biggest ones yet.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Wound Nurse?
August 21st, 2006
Bryan went back into splints on Friday. The soupy wound on the back of his leg really isn't healing properly and was oozing constantly so they put a type of glue on there that should make it scab over. They took a few more stitches out as well. He had no more injuries from falling out of his wheel chair so that is good. They took him off his PCA on Friday and every since there has not been good pain management. He has been literally trembling in pain. Bryan never complains though I just see him shaking and that is when he admits that he is in pain. We had an awesome nurse on Friday night who worked out his meds where he was getting something every hour. She has been a God send and we couldn’t thank her enough for watching out for Bryan’s insistent pain. That is the first time his pain got down to a 5. We had been complaining to the docs so they upped the meds a small amount. There was still no relief. Therefore pain management just came by and we may be putting him back on the PCA tomorrow if he doesn't get relief. We also might try a patch.
Bryan does not want to go back to the PCA because it is backtracking instead of moving forward but at this point I am not worried about backtracking I am worried about him being as comfortable as he can. We will stay in this hospital as long as it takes to get this pain under control.
Friday the New York City Firefighters came by and brought us tee-shirts. What an honor for them to be thanking us when they too have made the biggest sacrifice on 911. We also got the chance to thank them, they were truly awesome men. Today the VFW came by with a program called Operation Gift Cards. They gave us sixty dollars in gift cards to affes. This is like the shopping stores on base. This is such a nice gift as we can get some home goods that we need when he gets out. I was not expecting that. They were so nice. Then the CSM came by and then the Senior Enlisted Advisor to the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. He made an impression on me. His energy was fantastic and he gave me a coin first. The coin was presented to me because he appreciates all I have done. On the back it says Pride is Contagious. Then he asked if Bryan deserved one (he was joking with me the whole time he was here) and I said I guess. So he gave one to Bryan as well. It was an honor meeting him.
That is all for now. Right now we are just trying to get him healed.
There are beautiful photographs all around the hospital floors and everyday I have been getting Bryan out in the wheelchair and wheeling him around to see them. He really enjoys getting out of the room and it is a chance for us to spend some time without bring bothered.
Bryan went back into splints on Friday. The soupy wound on the back of his leg really isn't healing properly and was oozing constantly so they put a type of glue on there that should make it scab over. They took a few more stitches out as well. He had no more injuries from falling out of his wheel chair so that is good. They took him off his PCA on Friday and every since there has not been good pain management. He has been literally trembling in pain. Bryan never complains though I just see him shaking and that is when he admits that he is in pain. We had an awesome nurse on Friday night who worked out his meds where he was getting something every hour. She has been a God send and we couldn’t thank her enough for watching out for Bryan’s insistent pain. That is the first time his pain got down to a 5. We had been complaining to the docs so they upped the meds a small amount. There was still no relief. Therefore pain management just came by and we may be putting him back on the PCA tomorrow if he doesn't get relief. We also might try a patch.
Bryan does not want to go back to the PCA because it is backtracking instead of moving forward but at this point I am not worried about backtracking I am worried about him being as comfortable as he can. We will stay in this hospital as long as it takes to get this pain under control.
Friday the New York City Firefighters came by and brought us tee-shirts. What an honor for them to be thanking us when they too have made the biggest sacrifice on 911. We also got the chance to thank them, they were truly awesome men. Today the VFW came by with a program called Operation Gift Cards. They gave us sixty dollars in gift cards to affes. This is like the shopping stores on base. This is such a nice gift as we can get some home goods that we need when he gets out. I was not expecting that. They were so nice. Then the CSM came by and then the Senior Enlisted Advisor to the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. He made an impression on me. His energy was fantastic and he gave me a coin first. The coin was presented to me because he appreciates all I have done. On the back it says Pride is Contagious. Then he asked if Bryan deserved one (he was joking with me the whole time he was here) and I said I guess. So he gave one to Bryan as well. It was an honor meeting him.
That is all for now. Right now we are just trying to get him healed.
There are beautiful photographs all around the hospital floors and everyday I have been getting Bryan out in the wheelchair and wheeling him around to see them. He really enjoys getting out of the room and it is a chance for us to spend some time without bring bothered.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Number 2
August 16th, 2006
Today is the final straw Bryan has not had a bowel movement since he was injured. I know he feels like he is going to explode and all the nurses have been making him drink prune juice with milk of magnesia. He hates it and there is no choice but for him to get an enema. This cute nurse is the one on duty today so she is going to do it. I asked Bryan if he wanted me to do it but he said no. She did it and about 15 minutes later he said he had to go. I got the bed pan out and physically had to lift him into the air because of his heels and his wrist. After he was done it was humiliating for both of us. I had to wipe my husbands butt like he was an old man. I was trying not to make faces or complain but it was one of the most humiliating things I have ever had to do. I feel so bad for him. He can’t even use the restroom it’s so sad. I hope that he feels better and gets back onto a normal schedule. They said the morphine really clogs up his system and he will need to take stool softeners while he is on it.
I wanted to share some humorous things that Bryan has said while on very strong drugs. I wrote them down so I could share them.
Bryan talking to me "So baby you need to go out there and take a left, then a right, then a left, well it's kind of like a circle, or it isn't. Wait does that make any sense?" I had no idea where he wanted me to go or what he wanted me to do.
Bryan talking about how well I am handling this situation that we are in. "You handle it like you walk down a corridor, take a right, pick up an envelope. That is just how well you handle it"
Bryan explaining what his leg looked like after they took the suchers out. "My leg is like a truck with a trailer attached going right through it. You know what I mean"
I cracked up over these even though it was crazy talk. I could not stop laughing, I think it was one of those things where you haven’t laughed in so long that is becomes completely hilarious. He started to get mad at me because I was laughing so hard but I couldn’t help it.
I thought it would be good to share some of the positive things that have happened also. There were some ladies that came by and they were from all over the United States. They are strictly volunteers and they fly here pretty often to visit the soldiers. What they do is take regular tee-shirts, jeans, pants, and boxer shorts and make them where they can open simply with Velcro. Bryan has a port on the right side of his chest. The wires come out of there and are hooked up to the machine. So they gave him a tee-shirt so that the Velcro is on the side that the wires are on. He unsnaps it puts it over his head. Snaps it down the sleeve and pulls the tubes through and snaps it the rest of the way down. What a great idea otherwise he wouldn't be able to wear a shirt. They were so nice. Their website is www.sewmuchcomfort.org
Here is Bryan in Clothes!
We also got a brand new hand crafted stars and stripes quilt. It is beautiful and Bryan picked out the one he liked the best. It also has a matching pillow case so that the quilt doesn't get ruined (apparently you aren't supposed to put it in a plastic case b/c it will ruin it). It really is beautiful.
The Red Cross has also kept Bryan in good supply of Girl Scout cookies and another miniature stars and stripes blanket. They also supply phone cards and magazines. They are so nice.
Operation Hero Miles donated my mom’s plane ticket to get here. It is a great non-profit that will provide one family member a round trip ticket here. The miles are donated from people who have gotten free plane tickets from their frequent flier program or miles they have earned and they donate them. What a great thing. It has been nice to have someone here to help or just talk to.
www.heromiles.org
Today is the final straw Bryan has not had a bowel movement since he was injured. I know he feels like he is going to explode and all the nurses have been making him drink prune juice with milk of magnesia. He hates it and there is no choice but for him to get an enema. This cute nurse is the one on duty today so she is going to do it. I asked Bryan if he wanted me to do it but he said no. She did it and about 15 minutes later he said he had to go. I got the bed pan out and physically had to lift him into the air because of his heels and his wrist. After he was done it was humiliating for both of us. I had to wipe my husbands butt like he was an old man. I was trying not to make faces or complain but it was one of the most humiliating things I have ever had to do. I feel so bad for him. He can’t even use the restroom it’s so sad. I hope that he feels better and gets back onto a normal schedule. They said the morphine really clogs up his system and he will need to take stool softeners while he is on it.
I wanted to share some humorous things that Bryan has said while on very strong drugs. I wrote them down so I could share them.
Bryan talking to me "So baby you need to go out there and take a left, then a right, then a left, well it's kind of like a circle, or it isn't. Wait does that make any sense?" I had no idea where he wanted me to go or what he wanted me to do.
Bryan talking about how well I am handling this situation that we are in. "You handle it like you walk down a corridor, take a right, pick up an envelope. That is just how well you handle it"
Bryan explaining what his leg looked like after they took the suchers out. "My leg is like a truck with a trailer attached going right through it. You know what I mean"
I cracked up over these even though it was crazy talk. I could not stop laughing, I think it was one of those things where you haven’t laughed in so long that is becomes completely hilarious. He started to get mad at me because I was laughing so hard but I couldn’t help it.
I thought it would be good to share some of the positive things that have happened also. There were some ladies that came by and they were from all over the United States. They are strictly volunteers and they fly here pretty often to visit the soldiers. What they do is take regular tee-shirts, jeans, pants, and boxer shorts and make them where they can open simply with Velcro. Bryan has a port on the right side of his chest. The wires come out of there and are hooked up to the machine. So they gave him a tee-shirt so that the Velcro is on the side that the wires are on. He unsnaps it puts it over his head. Snaps it down the sleeve and pulls the tubes through and snaps it the rest of the way down. What a great idea otherwise he wouldn't be able to wear a shirt. They were so nice. Their website is www.sewmuchcomfort.org
Here is Bryan in Clothes!
We also got a brand new hand crafted stars and stripes quilt. It is beautiful and Bryan picked out the one he liked the best. It also has a matching pillow case so that the quilt doesn't get ruined (apparently you aren't supposed to put it in a plastic case b/c it will ruin it). It really is beautiful.
The Red Cross has also kept Bryan in good supply of Girl Scout cookies and another miniature stars and stripes blanket. They also supply phone cards and magazines. They are so nice.
Operation Hero Miles donated my mom’s plane ticket to get here. It is a great non-profit that will provide one family member a round trip ticket here. The miles are donated from people who have gotten free plane tickets from their frequent flier program or miles they have earned and they donate them. What a great thing. It has been nice to have someone here to help or just talk to.
www.heromiles.org
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Falling
August 15th, 2006
Bryan was just trying to hand his menu to the food staff and fell out of his wheelchair. It was a really loud boom and he hit his heels on the hard concrete floor. I screamed and everyone came running in here. It took four big men to pick him up because he can’t help them by putting his feet on the floor. Luckily he was wearing the hard casts so that might have saved him from any more damage. I was helpless, what if this happens when it's just him and I? Anyways they are taking him down to x-ray.
Today we were talking to the 101st liaison here and the hospital and the nurse came in and handed Bryan a large box. He looked at the label and said it was for me. I was like are you sure? He said yes open it. He sent me a beautiful orchid ...just like the ones that I wore in my hair on my wedding day. He wrote a really sweet card and conspired with the nurses here to get the address. He is so precious to me, I love him.
It’s the end of the day and we have not heard anything back about the x-rays so we get to assume that all is well. Bryan is really swollen in these blue casts and there is no way to release the pressure. He keeps calling in the nurses and they cut the top of them to relieve the pressure but it really isn’t working. I am not sure if they will keep them on for long. They said that him swelling and there not being enough room in the casts can be damaging for him.
Bryan was just trying to hand his menu to the food staff and fell out of his wheelchair. It was a really loud boom and he hit his heels on the hard concrete floor. I screamed and everyone came running in here. It took four big men to pick him up because he can’t help them by putting his feet on the floor. Luckily he was wearing the hard casts so that might have saved him from any more damage. I was helpless, what if this happens when it's just him and I? Anyways they are taking him down to x-ray.
Today we were talking to the 101st liaison here and the hospital and the nurse came in and handed Bryan a large box. He looked at the label and said it was for me. I was like are you sure? He said yes open it. He sent me a beautiful orchid ...just like the ones that I wore in my hair on my wedding day. He wrote a really sweet card and conspired with the nurses here to get the address. He is so precious to me, I love him.
It’s the end of the day and we have not heard anything back about the x-rays so we get to assume that all is well. Bryan is really swollen in these blue casts and there is no way to release the pressure. He keeps calling in the nurses and they cut the top of them to relieve the pressure but it really isn’t working. I am not sure if they will keep them on for long. They said that him swelling and there not being enough room in the casts can be damaging for him.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Smaller Blue Casts
August 14th, 2006
Just wanted to give you all an update on Bryan, not a lot has changed. Today he got the 10 stitches on his hand taken out. Probably about 20 on his leg taken out, some are still left in because they are not healed enough. He also got two hard blue casts today. As for right now I have to keep him from picking at his scabs because it will give him infection. He was using his sutcher kits and his toenail clippers to pick at scabs. I hid them in the closet so he couldn’t get to them. One of the nurses told him she was going to bring in pictures of guys legs that picked at their scabs. She said that might deter him from picking.
I don't think we are completely out of the woods yet. I have talked to several guys at the Mologne house and have heard some horror stories of guys healing and going home and getting staph infection and having to come back to get their legs amputated. It's scary especially because this hospital is so disgusting. They did not clean Bryan’s room for the first week he was here. Then his Foley spilled all over the floor and a nurse and I cleaned it up. They called house keeping and they didn't get here until 2 a.m. and they haven't cleaned it since. There is blood on the bathroom floor and the hospital room floor. When the nurses empty his wound vac they pour the blood into the toilet and pull the sprayer down and the blood spray everywhere. I use gloves and Clorox wipes and clean it off before I use it.
Trust me I will be going to my Congressmen about it and I will be taking pictures. It is a shame that they treat men who have been injured for our country like this. We have requested to speak to the Major of the floor it's been 5 days of asking for her and she still has not shown up. I have personally taken Clorox wipes and Lysol and cleaned this room myself. The nurses actually came in a told me that my obsessive Lysol spraying is starting to choke them. I just don’t want Bryan getting sick from his room being dirty. How disappointing. When I change the sheets I clean down the plastic bed underneath as well. I saw some disgusting things in there. They only change the sheets every three days here so I don’t want Bryan lying in blood so I change them myself before I give him a sponge bath every morning.
One of my mom’s best friend’s cousin came to visit us today. We told him of the conditions of the room and how we were not happy. He is a retired COL from the Army and went to see if he could do something about the conditions. We had told him that we had asked for the NCOIC of the Ward but she had never come by. He went downstairs to see who he could speak to about this issue. I want this resolved and I hope he can do something about it.
Bryan isn't sleeping a lot. It's amazing that he can stay awake this long when he is on enough meds to kill a horse. They have him on sleeping pills so at 10 he gets those and I go to get some sleep. He is afraid to close his eyes because of the images that he sees. This is normal but I hope that it gets better for him. Tonight was another night of crying for me. I feel like I don’t know what to do with my emotions so I just cry. I called it a night earlier than normal so I could get some rest. One of the ladies that came to take his blood pressure was African American; Bryan thought she was an Iraqi by the shadows in the room. He freaked out and told her to leave that she was going to hurt him. I calmed him down and told him that she was not here to hurt him just to take his blood pressure. I swear it looks like he saw a ghost.
As I was heading back to the Mologne house I called my mom to see if she was in the room yet. She said she was outside talking to some of the other moms of wounded soldiers and she wanted me to stop by. I told her kindly that I had a long night and I wanted to go straight to bed. She insisted that I come tell them how Bryan’s room is nasty and give them the names of who we have tried to contact. I didn’t want to speak to these ladies about this as I felt we were handling it and they didn’t need to get involved. I know how the Army works and if we had a problem we needed to handle it through the proper channels. Apparently my mom did not understand this and kept insisting that I come over there. I tried to walk as far away as I could but she saw me and called me over. I told her no and kept walking she told me in a stern voice to come over there right now. I came over there explained the story of the room conditions and told them that we were handling it. My mom wanted me to give names of who we contacted and I lied and told her I didn’t remember. I excused myself and headed to the room. I don’t understand why she could not respect my wishes of leaving me alone. A lot of moms around here think they can handle anything with enough bitching and that is not how I handle things. It was a really hard day and I need to rest. I guess I will explain to mom tomorrow of how to handle things in the Army.
Just wanted to give you all an update on Bryan, not a lot has changed. Today he got the 10 stitches on his hand taken out. Probably about 20 on his leg taken out, some are still left in because they are not healed enough. He also got two hard blue casts today. As for right now I have to keep him from picking at his scabs because it will give him infection. He was using his sutcher kits and his toenail clippers to pick at scabs. I hid them in the closet so he couldn’t get to them. One of the nurses told him she was going to bring in pictures of guys legs that picked at their scabs. She said that might deter him from picking.
I don't think we are completely out of the woods yet. I have talked to several guys at the Mologne house and have heard some horror stories of guys healing and going home and getting staph infection and having to come back to get their legs amputated. It's scary especially because this hospital is so disgusting. They did not clean Bryan’s room for the first week he was here. Then his Foley spilled all over the floor and a nurse and I cleaned it up. They called house keeping and they didn't get here until 2 a.m. and they haven't cleaned it since. There is blood on the bathroom floor and the hospital room floor. When the nurses empty his wound vac they pour the blood into the toilet and pull the sprayer down and the blood spray everywhere. I use gloves and Clorox wipes and clean it off before I use it.
Trust me I will be going to my Congressmen about it and I will be taking pictures. It is a shame that they treat men who have been injured for our country like this. We have requested to speak to the Major of the floor it's been 5 days of asking for her and she still has not shown up. I have personally taken Clorox wipes and Lysol and cleaned this room myself. The nurses actually came in a told me that my obsessive Lysol spraying is starting to choke them. I just don’t want Bryan getting sick from his room being dirty. How disappointing. When I change the sheets I clean down the plastic bed underneath as well. I saw some disgusting things in there. They only change the sheets every three days here so I don’t want Bryan lying in blood so I change them myself before I give him a sponge bath every morning.
One of my mom’s best friend’s cousin came to visit us today. We told him of the conditions of the room and how we were not happy. He is a retired COL from the Army and went to see if he could do something about the conditions. We had told him that we had asked for the NCOIC of the Ward but she had never come by. He went downstairs to see who he could speak to about this issue. I want this resolved and I hope he can do something about it.
Bryan isn't sleeping a lot. It's amazing that he can stay awake this long when he is on enough meds to kill a horse. They have him on sleeping pills so at 10 he gets those and I go to get some sleep. He is afraid to close his eyes because of the images that he sees. This is normal but I hope that it gets better for him. Tonight was another night of crying for me. I feel like I don’t know what to do with my emotions so I just cry. I called it a night earlier than normal so I could get some rest. One of the ladies that came to take his blood pressure was African American; Bryan thought she was an Iraqi by the shadows in the room. He freaked out and told her to leave that she was going to hurt him. I calmed him down and told him that she was not here to hurt him just to take his blood pressure. I swear it looks like he saw a ghost.
As I was heading back to the Mologne house I called my mom to see if she was in the room yet. She said she was outside talking to some of the other moms of wounded soldiers and she wanted me to stop by. I told her kindly that I had a long night and I wanted to go straight to bed. She insisted that I come tell them how Bryan’s room is nasty and give them the names of who we have tried to contact. I didn’t want to speak to these ladies about this as I felt we were handling it and they didn’t need to get involved. I know how the Army works and if we had a problem we needed to handle it through the proper channels. Apparently my mom did not understand this and kept insisting that I come over there. I tried to walk as far away as I could but she saw me and called me over. I told her no and kept walking she told me in a stern voice to come over there right now. I came over there explained the story of the room conditions and told them that we were handling it. My mom wanted me to give names of who we contacted and I lied and told her I didn’t remember. I excused myself and headed to the room. I don’t understand why she could not respect my wishes of leaving me alone. A lot of moms around here think they can handle anything with enough bitching and that is not how I handle things. It was a really hard day and I need to rest. I guess I will explain to mom tomorrow of how to handle things in the Army.
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Blockbuster at WR
Well not exactly. There is a sweet LT nurse here who copies DVDs for soldiers to "rent" while they are in the hospital. He comes by every day that he works and offers us DVDs to borrow for a couple of days. Every night I go and get a tv and DVD player and we have a "date night" in the hospital room. I will pop some popcorn and we try to make it through the movie without too many interruptions or falling asleep. It is so sweet of him to do this for us. I am not sure he knows how much we appreciate it.
There is also a lot of DVDs that you can rent at the Mologne house. It's only open a few hours a day and I am always at the hospital. I hope I can get some soon. You can donate your slightly used DVDs to them.
Here is how
CAUSE
There is also a lot of DVDs that you can rent at the Mologne house. It's only open a few hours a day and I am always at the hospital. I hope I can get some soon. You can donate your slightly used DVDs to them.
Here is how
CAUSE
Friday, August 11, 2006
Cards
We have gotten an overwhelming amount of get well and thank you cards for Bryan. I hung them all over the room to reminded him how much he was appreciated and loved. People we didn't know sent cards, friends of friends of friends were praying for him. Getting the mail was like Christmas. I kept every single one I bet there are around 100 cards. I will cherish them forever. Thanks to those who sent them.
Our favorite was one from a child. He drew a soldier with a bomb beside him. He said I'm sorry that bomb got you. We loved it.
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Our favorite was one from a child. He drew a soldier with a bomb beside him. He said I'm sorry that bomb got you. We loved it.
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Thursday, August 10, 2006
4 years together
August 10th, 2006
Today we have been dating 4 years. I decided while Bryan was in surgery to decorate his room. We met in Nashville when I was only 20 years old. When he told me he was in the Army, I almost went running. I never knew what I was in store for but he has been worth it. He is my heart and my soul and if we can get through this we can get through anything.
I went down to the hospital gift store and got him a card and some balloons. I took a dry erase marker and wrote on the mirrors and the dry erase board so he could see it.
Bryan got out of his last surgery...we hope. There might be more surgeries down the road but for the immediate future this was supposed to be the last. He got his splint off his wrist a couple of days ago and he has 10 stitches in that. When he got out of surgery yesterday they exposed the upper right thigh and he has 26 stitches that I can see but there are more that are covered up. He has a road burn on his upper right thigh that we will expose later on today to let the scab dry up.
When the morning nurse came in this morning she said the ortho team wanted to take him off his PCA. That is not a good idea to take him off his pump the day after surgery so she convinced the docs to leave it on him for a couple of days. If he gets off that he will no longer have the Dilaudid drip and he would not be able to get a bolus when he is in extra pain. It blew my mind they wanted to take him off that the day after surgery. Hopefully he will be in the hospital for 2 more weeks so we qualify for TSGIL and it would make up for the money that we are loosing with me not working. He deserves some cash for all he's been through.
Bryan was very anxious when he got out of surgery. He didn’t notice the things I wrote or the balloons but that is ok I wanted to make sure that he was comfortable. I hope he sleeps well tonight but that usually doesn’t happen when he just gets out of surgery.
Well that is all for now. Hopefully his wheelchair comes today and we can get outside it is a gorgeous day here today. Oh yeah and my mom got here yesterday so we got out of the hospital yesterday, that felt great. Bryan’s aunt took a collection at her work and got Bryan an ipod to listen to while he is in the hospital. He was so excited about it. The problem however is getting music put onto it since we don’t have a computer to download the music onto. He asked his anesthesiologist to take his ipod home and download some music for him. He said sure and he would bring it back to him in a few days. It is so amazing how the nurses are willing to do anything for the soldiers here. They have been wonderful.
Today we have been dating 4 years. I decided while Bryan was in surgery to decorate his room. We met in Nashville when I was only 20 years old. When he told me he was in the Army, I almost went running. I never knew what I was in store for but he has been worth it. He is my heart and my soul and if we can get through this we can get through anything.
I went down to the hospital gift store and got him a card and some balloons. I took a dry erase marker and wrote on the mirrors and the dry erase board so he could see it.
Bryan got out of his last surgery...we hope. There might be more surgeries down the road but for the immediate future this was supposed to be the last. He got his splint off his wrist a couple of days ago and he has 10 stitches in that. When he got out of surgery yesterday they exposed the upper right thigh and he has 26 stitches that I can see but there are more that are covered up. He has a road burn on his upper right thigh that we will expose later on today to let the scab dry up.
When the morning nurse came in this morning she said the ortho team wanted to take him off his PCA. That is not a good idea to take him off his pump the day after surgery so she convinced the docs to leave it on him for a couple of days. If he gets off that he will no longer have the Dilaudid drip and he would not be able to get a bolus when he is in extra pain. It blew my mind they wanted to take him off that the day after surgery. Hopefully he will be in the hospital for 2 more weeks so we qualify for TSGIL and it would make up for the money that we are loosing with me not working. He deserves some cash for all he's been through.
Bryan was very anxious when he got out of surgery. He didn’t notice the things I wrote or the balloons but that is ok I wanted to make sure that he was comfortable. I hope he sleeps well tonight but that usually doesn’t happen when he just gets out of surgery.
Well that is all for now. Hopefully his wheelchair comes today and we can get outside it is a gorgeous day here today. Oh yeah and my mom got here yesterday so we got out of the hospital yesterday, that felt great. Bryan’s aunt took a collection at her work and got Bryan an ipod to listen to while he is in the hospital. He was so excited about it. The problem however is getting music put onto it since we don’t have a computer to download the music onto. He asked his anesthesiologist to take his ipod home and download some music for him. He said sure and he would bring it back to him in a few days. It is so amazing how the nurses are willing to do anything for the soldiers here. They have been wonderful.
Wednesday, August 9, 2006
Bar in the Mologne House
Yes you read that correctly. The place where wounded soldiers live for apparently years at a time, are heavily medicated, and some are suicidal; have nightly access to a bar. There is a bar that is open each evening in the Mologne house, you can buy liquor or beer and cigarettes. This is a perfect recipe for horrible coping skills for the wounded and a access to self destruction.
Blows my mind doesn't it yours?
Also while walking back from the hospital tonight I see a soldier with a trach in his throat and smoking. He had to cover his trach so that he could inhale his smoke. I can't imagine how that is sanitary for his trach or healthy.
Blows my mind doesn't it yours?
Also while walking back from the hospital tonight I see a soldier with a trach in his throat and smoking. He had to cover his trach so that he could inhale his smoke. I can't imagine how that is sanitary for his trach or healthy.
Tuesday, August 8, 2006
10th Surgery?
August 8th, 2006
Well Bryan had another surgery yesterday. They put a steel plate in his heel. He is in a lot pain. They hope to fix the other heel on Thursday. They said today that he will have pretty bad scaring and he will have slightly deformed heels. As of right now it's hard to tell how bad the scaring is. We should be able to see on Thursday. They said he will never be able to run again as the weight bearing bone was shattered but he should make an almost full recovery. There may be cosmetic surgery down the road but as of right now they are just trying to fix the wounds and bones. He didn't have to have a skin graph so we were happy about that. They did a Jacobs ladder on his calf to stretch his skin so they wouldn't have to graph his skin. It looks like a pie crust that has been slit numerous times and the skin was able to stretch enough to stitch his leg together. Bryan is extremely nervous that his scars might scare people. We have not been able to see under the casts but I think he will be surprised how well they will heal. Bryan has always been a fast healer and if he takes care of himself I think his legs will look good.
Bryan is extremely thin; I think he weighs about 120 pounds. The nutrionist came in and said that Bryan needs to drink whole milk and milk shakes. She also gave me a voucher so I can go down to the cafeteria and get him some snacks that aren’t on the hospital menu.
As far as staying here....Bryan will not be able to start walking for another 12 weeks. Since he is staying past the 3 month mark they will either attach or assign him to a unit here. We might have to move here. The rehabilitation period is a year. We are hoping to go to Vandy to do rehab and come back here towards the end of the year mark to get Med Boarded out of the Army. The benefit to Med Boarded is that he will get insurance for us and our future children, and VA benefits. It could be to our benefit somewhat in the end.
Nonetheless we don't know much more as of now. It's a wait and see game. Hopefully in the next couple of weeks he will be here with me in the Mologne house and we will get to sleep in real beds!
My mom came in today. I kind of feel like I have to entertain her but I am so exhausted emotionally and physically that I almost don’t want to talk to anyone. I want to be alone. It’s easier to do everything for myself than for anyone else to help me. I know this is not a fun trip for her and at this point I am feeling very angry that this has happened to Bryan.
Well Bryan had another surgery yesterday. They put a steel plate in his heel. He is in a lot pain. They hope to fix the other heel on Thursday. They said today that he will have pretty bad scaring and he will have slightly deformed heels. As of right now it's hard to tell how bad the scaring is. We should be able to see on Thursday. They said he will never be able to run again as the weight bearing bone was shattered but he should make an almost full recovery. There may be cosmetic surgery down the road but as of right now they are just trying to fix the wounds and bones. He didn't have to have a skin graph so we were happy about that. They did a Jacobs ladder on his calf to stretch his skin so they wouldn't have to graph his skin. It looks like a pie crust that has been slit numerous times and the skin was able to stretch enough to stitch his leg together. Bryan is extremely nervous that his scars might scare people. We have not been able to see under the casts but I think he will be surprised how well they will heal. Bryan has always been a fast healer and if he takes care of himself I think his legs will look good.
Bryan is extremely thin; I think he weighs about 120 pounds. The nutrionist came in and said that Bryan needs to drink whole milk and milk shakes. She also gave me a voucher so I can go down to the cafeteria and get him some snacks that aren’t on the hospital menu.
As far as staying here....Bryan will not be able to start walking for another 12 weeks. Since he is staying past the 3 month mark they will either attach or assign him to a unit here. We might have to move here. The rehabilitation period is a year. We are hoping to go to Vandy to do rehab and come back here towards the end of the year mark to get Med Boarded out of the Army. The benefit to Med Boarded is that he will get insurance for us and our future children, and VA benefits. It could be to our benefit somewhat in the end.
Nonetheless we don't know much more as of now. It's a wait and see game. Hopefully in the next couple of weeks he will be here with me in the Mologne house and we will get to sleep in real beds!
My mom came in today. I kind of feel like I have to entertain her but I am so exhausted emotionally and physically that I almost don’t want to talk to anyone. I want to be alone. It’s easier to do everything for myself than for anyone else to help me. I know this is not a fun trip for her and at this point I am feeling very angry that this has happened to Bryan.
Monday, August 7, 2006
Process of Wounded coming home
Tonight I was laying in the Mologne house without my husband trying to get some sleep when I found a documentary on the process of the wounded soldiers getting injured to how they make it to Walter Reed. I watched it and I got a slight glimpse in to what all he went through. They show the soldiers on the ground at the location of the injury and then med evac coming in to get them. They follow them to Balad where they get surgeries and trauma care. I saw what this makeshift hospital looks like and where Bryan laid intubated and in a medical coma. It was very surreal watching this from the place where the severely wounded go. I cried through the entire thing.
It then showed what the amazing medical flight looked like inside. It's huge, I think something like the size of two football fields. Each soldier has a personal nurse that stay with them throughout the long flight. I kept picturing what Bryan looked like during that flight. He talks now of how he remembers waking a few times during the flight and they would knock him out again. He said he didn't have soldiers stacked above him because he had so much life support that it wouldn't fit on the tray on the gurney so it had to go above him.
They are then flown to Andrews Air Force Base an hour from Walter Reed. I guess I had never asked how Bryan got to Walter Reed, I assumed he flew on a helicopter. This is not the case. They put them in these large white ambulance buses. They are like regular school buses that are painted white, Walter Reed written on the side in blue, and a light on the top and sides. They rack them in two high in the bus. They then ride in the bus from Andrews to WR. I couldn't imagine this is how they did it. I knew Bryan kept saying that on his way to WR his nurse kept leaning on his bad leg, that he kept telling her it hurt and to stop leaning on it. I guess I didn't realize this happened on a bus.
On the documentary they show them arriving at WR. This part I have witnessed here. There is a main entrance to the hospital, every night there are gurneys lined in the main entrance around 11 at night. This is about the time I leave the hospital to get some rest. There are medics standing next to the gurneys waiting on the soldiers to come in on the bus. It gives me chills every time I see it, that means that these soldiers are about to be on the longest ride of their lives.
They followed a soldier that was doing better than most and he went directly to Ward 57. Bryan went to ICU until he was stabilized before going to the Ward. They showed this soldier being wheeled to the Ward and his wife gets word that he is coming. She meets him in the hallway and they have an emotional Reunion. Unfortunately I wasn't there when Bryan arrived, I was told to wait and let the Army to fly me there or I was going to get in trouble.
I saw on the film some of the nurses that have cared for Bryan. I was so emotional. I called Bryan in his room and explained what I saw on the show. I was crying and apologizing over and over for all he went through. It seems like such a long and hard trip to get here and I felt horrible. I wanted nothing more than to be with him through it but I couldn't. He said he was glad he didn't remember most of the trip and was glad that I was here now.
I wish I could remember the name of the film but it was great. I found this video that shows some of the process. Made me cry.
It then showed what the amazing medical flight looked like inside. It's huge, I think something like the size of two football fields. Each soldier has a personal nurse that stay with them throughout the long flight. I kept picturing what Bryan looked like during that flight. He talks now of how he remembers waking a few times during the flight and they would knock him out again. He said he didn't have soldiers stacked above him because he had so much life support that it wouldn't fit on the tray on the gurney so it had to go above him.
They are then flown to Andrews Air Force Base an hour from Walter Reed. I guess I had never asked how Bryan got to Walter Reed, I assumed he flew on a helicopter. This is not the case. They put them in these large white ambulance buses. They are like regular school buses that are painted white, Walter Reed written on the side in blue, and a light on the top and sides. They rack them in two high in the bus. They then ride in the bus from Andrews to WR. I couldn't imagine this is how they did it. I knew Bryan kept saying that on his way to WR his nurse kept leaning on his bad leg, that he kept telling her it hurt and to stop leaning on it. I guess I didn't realize this happened on a bus.
On the documentary they show them arriving at WR. This part I have witnessed here. There is a main entrance to the hospital, every night there are gurneys lined in the main entrance around 11 at night. This is about the time I leave the hospital to get some rest. There are medics standing next to the gurneys waiting on the soldiers to come in on the bus. It gives me chills every time I see it, that means that these soldiers are about to be on the longest ride of their lives.
They followed a soldier that was doing better than most and he went directly to Ward 57. Bryan went to ICU until he was stabilized before going to the Ward. They showed this soldier being wheeled to the Ward and his wife gets word that he is coming. She meets him in the hallway and they have an emotional Reunion. Unfortunately I wasn't there when Bryan arrived, I was told to wait and let the Army to fly me there or I was going to get in trouble.
I saw on the film some of the nurses that have cared for Bryan. I was so emotional. I called Bryan in his room and explained what I saw on the show. I was crying and apologizing over and over for all he went through. It seems like such a long and hard trip to get here and I felt horrible. I wanted nothing more than to be with him through it but I couldn't. He said he was glad he didn't remember most of the trip and was glad that I was here now.
I wish I could remember the name of the film but it was great. I found this video that shows some of the process. Made me cry.
Sunday, August 6, 2006
Meeting new people
August 6, 2006
Today Bryan’s parents went home. His mom looked like death warmed over. She walked around in a zombie like state. Bryan said to her that he was looking worse each day that she was here while he was getting better day by day. He told her she should be glad that he was getting stronger and stronger. We had talked last night and both agreed that we thought it was time for them to leave. It was getting stressful on him. I guess they got the hint because they got an emergency flight out today.
Ozzy Osborne and his band stopped by and we hung out with them for a while. He was asking about Bryan’s thoughts on the war and how the conditions were over in Iraq. We got some funny pictures of Ozzy and Bryan. They also gave us tee-shirts, bandannas, c.d.s, and hats. It was pretty cool.
The nurse got us a TV with a DVD player. I re-arranged Bryan in the bed and I managed to lay down with him in bed and we had a "date night". He is still his super sweet self.
Tomorrow he will have another surgery. Hopefully we can get a screw in that right leg. Another surgery is to come on Thursday. Hopefully then they can fix the shattered heels. We are still waiting on the hole in his right knee to close up. They still have the wound vacuum on it but it is still not completely closed. They may have to do a skin graph to get it to close. The nurses are saying we might be in the hospital another 10 weeks before we get moved to the Mologne house. He will have another 3 weeks on the soft cast, 3 weeks in a real cast, and 3 weeks in a walking cast. We are hoping to be done by the surgeries and off nurse care by the homecoming of Balls of the Eagle but we will see. Bryan’s guys have been calling from Iraq to talk to him. He is really happy about how much they care and how they wished it didn’t happen to him. Bryan’s best soldier calls a lot and he is being so sweet. I wish that they didn’t have to see Bryan like that. I know it had to be traumatic for them as well.
Today we saw N, B, and his wife C. It was nice to meet them. I had met N before as he was at the going away party that I threw for the guys before they deployed. I hope that I can talk with them more in the future. I have a feeling they will be my strength when I don’t have anymore.
Today Bryan’s parents went home. His mom looked like death warmed over. She walked around in a zombie like state. Bryan said to her that he was looking worse each day that she was here while he was getting better day by day. He told her she should be glad that he was getting stronger and stronger. We had talked last night and both agreed that we thought it was time for them to leave. It was getting stressful on him. I guess they got the hint because they got an emergency flight out today.
Ozzy Osborne and his band stopped by and we hung out with them for a while. He was asking about Bryan’s thoughts on the war and how the conditions were over in Iraq. We got some funny pictures of Ozzy and Bryan. They also gave us tee-shirts, bandannas, c.d.s, and hats. It was pretty cool.
The nurse got us a TV with a DVD player. I re-arranged Bryan in the bed and I managed to lay down with him in bed and we had a "date night". He is still his super sweet self.
Tomorrow he will have another surgery. Hopefully we can get a screw in that right leg. Another surgery is to come on Thursday. Hopefully then they can fix the shattered heels. We are still waiting on the hole in his right knee to close up. They still have the wound vacuum on it but it is still not completely closed. They may have to do a skin graph to get it to close. The nurses are saying we might be in the hospital another 10 weeks before we get moved to the Mologne house. He will have another 3 weeks on the soft cast, 3 weeks in a real cast, and 3 weeks in a walking cast. We are hoping to be done by the surgeries and off nurse care by the homecoming of Balls of the Eagle but we will see. Bryan’s guys have been calling from Iraq to talk to him. He is really happy about how much they care and how they wished it didn’t happen to him. Bryan’s best soldier calls a lot and he is being so sweet. I wish that they didn’t have to see Bryan like that. I know it had to be traumatic for them as well.
Today we saw N, B, and his wife C. It was nice to meet them. I had met N before as he was at the going away party that I threw for the guys before they deployed. I hope that I can talk with them more in the future. I have a feeling they will be my strength when I don’t have anymore.
Saturday, August 5, 2006
Exhaustion is Here
August 5, 20006
Bryan did not sleep much last night so that made it hard. I ran back to the Mologne House to get showered. While I was gone Bryan got his mom to run downstairs and get me flowers for when I came back. I came into the room and he said look those flowers are for you and he had a big smile on his face. The card said thank you for all that you do for me Love, Bryan. You could barely read his handwriting but I will cherish that card forever. He was thinking of me even when he is in so much pain. Yet another reason I married him.
Bryan apparently had a talk with his parents while I was at the Mologne House. I know he doesn’t really have a filter right now with all the meds so there is not telling what he said. He told me that he told his parents that they needed to enjoy life more and quit worrying. He told his mom that she was looking worse and worse while he was getting better. He told her he didn’t need this stress or need to be worrying about her. That is about all he said to me about it but I know he talked with them for over an hour.
Tonight was the night that it hit me. I started crying uncontrollably. I guess I am realizing that Bryan might not be who he used to be or be able to do the things that he has always loved to do. I am sad that he got stop lossed and he would have never been blown up. I can’t believe that this was our second year long deployment and it was almost over. He was run over by a humvee on this deployment and I thought that this would be the worst thing that would happen to him. He did have a seizure and two herniated ribs. He had to continue his mission without being properly checked out. I raised hell and called the FRG leader and demanded he was checked out. He could have internal bleeding. I was a wreck when that happened because he wasn’t checked out. At least this time he was given the best care right away.
I can’t change what has happened but I have no idea what the future holds for us. I feel so bad for him. I wish I could take the pain from him but I can’t. I want this nightmare to be over. I want him to be the same active guy that he always was. I think depression is sinking in for him. I don’t want him to be depressed, he is alive and he will be ok.
I feel alone here I know that Bryan’s soldier N and B are here and their wives. They were injured the beginning of July. I hope to meet them soon so I will know if all of this is normal. My family isn’t here and I need them. I am too young to deal with this alone.
Bryan did not sleep much last night so that made it hard. I ran back to the Mologne House to get showered. While I was gone Bryan got his mom to run downstairs and get me flowers for when I came back. I came into the room and he said look those flowers are for you and he had a big smile on his face. The card said thank you for all that you do for me Love, Bryan. You could barely read his handwriting but I will cherish that card forever. He was thinking of me even when he is in so much pain. Yet another reason I married him.
Bryan apparently had a talk with his parents while I was at the Mologne House. I know he doesn’t really have a filter right now with all the meds so there is not telling what he said. He told me that he told his parents that they needed to enjoy life more and quit worrying. He told his mom that she was looking worse and worse while he was getting better. He told her he didn’t need this stress or need to be worrying about her. That is about all he said to me about it but I know he talked with them for over an hour.
Tonight was the night that it hit me. I started crying uncontrollably. I guess I am realizing that Bryan might not be who he used to be or be able to do the things that he has always loved to do. I am sad that he got stop lossed and he would have never been blown up. I can’t believe that this was our second year long deployment and it was almost over. He was run over by a humvee on this deployment and I thought that this would be the worst thing that would happen to him. He did have a seizure and two herniated ribs. He had to continue his mission without being properly checked out. I raised hell and called the FRG leader and demanded he was checked out. He could have internal bleeding. I was a wreck when that happened because he wasn’t checked out. At least this time he was given the best care right away.
I can’t change what has happened but I have no idea what the future holds for us. I feel so bad for him. I wish I could take the pain from him but I can’t. I want this nightmare to be over. I want him to be the same active guy that he always was. I think depression is sinking in for him. I don’t want him to be depressed, he is alive and he will be ok.
I feel alone here I know that Bryan’s soldier N and B are here and their wives. They were injured the beginning of July. I hope to meet them soon so I will know if all of this is normal. My family isn’t here and I need them. I am too young to deal with this alone.
Friday, August 4, 2006
Day 8 Another Surgery
August 4th, 2006
Let’s see...Bryan had another clean out surgery today. I went back to the room to catch some sleep and get a shower before he got out of surgery. Bryan's nurse came in earlier than expected and said another patient’s surgery got cancelled and they were going to take Bryan in early. I kissed him and told him I love him. I told him I would be waiting on him when he got out of surgery. I told him everything was going to be ok. I went back to the Mologne house and my key wouldn’t work. It was 6:30 am and I figured his parents were awake so I knock on the door. I come into the room and Bryan’s mom is knelt at the edge of the bed with her rosary beads. She has this shocked look on her face. She asked me why I was back so early and I told her that Bryan went into surgery. She looked very upset. His parents wanted to come in and talk to him before he went into surgery. I explained they took him quickly and I thought she was going to cry. I said I was sorry but there was nothing I could do. I am not sure why she gets so upset it is just another clean out surgery it’s not like he won’t come out of surgery. I decided to lie down and take a quick nap before surgery was done.
When I got back to the hospital his mom and dad were waiting down in the Red Cross waiting room. They said the Red Cross worker would tell you when they get out of surgery but I knew better. They say they are going to call you upstairs once they get out of surgery but I know how the Army works and have heard other stories of wives husbands being in the room for hours because the wife never got word they had gone to the Ward. I want to be there when he gets out. I told his mom I was going to run upstairs and wait for him. She stated that they would let them know when he was out but I told her I had a feeling they would not. She ran to the bathroom and I passed her on the way to the elevators. She did not even recognize me when we passed. I said to my Mother in Law (MIL) that I am going upstairs to wait and she said oh I didn’t even recognize you. She worries way too much. It was a washout surgery nothing too major. It seems like she is getting worse when Bryan is getting better, I don’t understand.
When I got upstairs of course Bryan has just gotten in. I helped the nurses try to get him settled. He was restless and anxious. He was barking orders to everyone. He was worried about his chap stick and needed something to drink. I was trying to get him settled but couldn’t seem to make him comfortable. About 15 minutes later I called down to the waiting room and told his parents that he was up on the Ward. She freaked out thinking how could they not tell her that he was out of surgery. I had warned her that this would happen.
A soldier from Bryan’s unit was coming to see him today at Walter Reed. He has been working at Rear Detachment while everyone is deployed. He got there a few minutes after Bryan got out of surgery. It was good to see him and I know Bryan was glad to see someone that knows what he has been through overseas. They talked for a while and of course talked about all that has gone on overseas and back at the unit. I think it was really good for Bryan to talk to him and I was so happy he drove all the way up there to see him.
He wasn't in too much pain because we got his meds switched for better pain management. I hope that tonight he is more comfortable and can sleep. He has been refusing to sleep because of the images that he sees when he closes his eyes. They might need to put him on some sleeping pills so his mind can relax so his body can heal.
Let’s see...Bryan had another clean out surgery today. I went back to the room to catch some sleep and get a shower before he got out of surgery. Bryan's nurse came in earlier than expected and said another patient’s surgery got cancelled and they were going to take Bryan in early. I kissed him and told him I love him. I told him I would be waiting on him when he got out of surgery. I told him everything was going to be ok. I went back to the Mologne house and my key wouldn’t work. It was 6:30 am and I figured his parents were awake so I knock on the door. I come into the room and Bryan’s mom is knelt at the edge of the bed with her rosary beads. She has this shocked look on her face. She asked me why I was back so early and I told her that Bryan went into surgery. She looked very upset. His parents wanted to come in and talk to him before he went into surgery. I explained they took him quickly and I thought she was going to cry. I said I was sorry but there was nothing I could do. I am not sure why she gets so upset it is just another clean out surgery it’s not like he won’t come out of surgery. I decided to lie down and take a quick nap before surgery was done.
When I got back to the hospital his mom and dad were waiting down in the Red Cross waiting room. They said the Red Cross worker would tell you when they get out of surgery but I knew better. They say they are going to call you upstairs once they get out of surgery but I know how the Army works and have heard other stories of wives husbands being in the room for hours because the wife never got word they had gone to the Ward. I want to be there when he gets out. I told his mom I was going to run upstairs and wait for him. She stated that they would let them know when he was out but I told her I had a feeling they would not. She ran to the bathroom and I passed her on the way to the elevators. She did not even recognize me when we passed. I said to my Mother in Law (MIL) that I am going upstairs to wait and she said oh I didn’t even recognize you. She worries way too much. It was a washout surgery nothing too major. It seems like she is getting worse when Bryan is getting better, I don’t understand.
When I got upstairs of course Bryan has just gotten in. I helped the nurses try to get him settled. He was restless and anxious. He was barking orders to everyone. He was worried about his chap stick and needed something to drink. I was trying to get him settled but couldn’t seem to make him comfortable. About 15 minutes later I called down to the waiting room and told his parents that he was up on the Ward. She freaked out thinking how could they not tell her that he was out of surgery. I had warned her that this would happen.
A soldier from Bryan’s unit was coming to see him today at Walter Reed. He has been working at Rear Detachment while everyone is deployed. He got there a few minutes after Bryan got out of surgery. It was good to see him and I know Bryan was glad to see someone that knows what he has been through overseas. They talked for a while and of course talked about all that has gone on overseas and back at the unit. I think it was really good for Bryan to talk to him and I was so happy he drove all the way up there to see him.
He wasn't in too much pain because we got his meds switched for better pain management. I hope that tonight he is more comfortable and can sleep. He has been refusing to sleep because of the images that he sees when he closes his eyes. They might need to put him on some sleeping pills so his mind can relax so his body can heal.
Thursday, August 3, 2006
Day 7 1st Night Being a Nurse
August 3rd, 2006
Last night was miserable I didn’t get any sleep. Bryan talked to me all night. He told the story of the IED over and over. He said it was a pressure switch IED and as the third vehicle ran over the IED it would explode. The Iraqi’s knew to target his vehicle as he was the leader of his squad. They want to injure the person in charge. Apparently they caught the Iraqi that placed the IED before it hit Bryan. He had wire and other bomb making material on him. Bryan said he would probably not spend more than one night in custody and then he would be released. I couldn’t believe this could be the case. I figured he would be locked up for life.
Bryan was in a lot of pain and very drugged. I didn’t know what to do to comfort him so I just let him talk. He went on and on about how he needs step bars for his truck especially now that he is injured. Little does he know I have already bought him some for his welcome home surprise, he will be excited when we get home.. He was only 6 weeks from being home. I listened to him talk about how he was scared he wasn’t going to be able to do the outdoor activities that he used to be able to do. He doesn’t know if he can hike or bike or ski ever again. I don’t know if he can either. My heart was breaking for him. I know he wants to be normal again but I have no idea what the prognosis is. I pray that he will return to normal at some point.
I went back to the hotel to get showered and checked into the Mologne house at 3 pm. They said they had a room for me but I had to share it with his parents. I won’t be sleeping in there while they are here, that would be too awkward. I asked him mom to clean out the rest of the blood underneath his fingernails while I was gone. Bryan said she drove him crazy because she asked a million times if this or that hurt so he told her to stop. I had to do it again when I got there.
Bryan isn’t eating well and in this short of time he has lost of lot of weight. He was maybe 140 pounds wet before his injury just from being in Iraq. He wasn’t eating much over there and he got so thin that his wedding ring fell off.
Last night was miserable I didn’t get any sleep. Bryan talked to me all night. He told the story of the IED over and over. He said it was a pressure switch IED and as the third vehicle ran over the IED it would explode. The Iraqi’s knew to target his vehicle as he was the leader of his squad. They want to injure the person in charge. Apparently they caught the Iraqi that placed the IED before it hit Bryan. He had wire and other bomb making material on him. Bryan said he would probably not spend more than one night in custody and then he would be released. I couldn’t believe this could be the case. I figured he would be locked up for life.
Bryan was in a lot of pain and very drugged. I didn’t know what to do to comfort him so I just let him talk. He went on and on about how he needs step bars for his truck especially now that he is injured. Little does he know I have already bought him some for his welcome home surprise, he will be excited when we get home.. He was only 6 weeks from being home. I listened to him talk about how he was scared he wasn’t going to be able to do the outdoor activities that he used to be able to do. He doesn’t know if he can hike or bike or ski ever again. I don’t know if he can either. My heart was breaking for him. I know he wants to be normal again but I have no idea what the prognosis is. I pray that he will return to normal at some point.
I went back to the hotel to get showered and checked into the Mologne house at 3 pm. They said they had a room for me but I had to share it with his parents. I won’t be sleeping in there while they are here, that would be too awkward. I asked him mom to clean out the rest of the blood underneath his fingernails while I was gone. Bryan said she drove him crazy because she asked a million times if this or that hurt so he told her to stop. I had to do it again when I got there.
Bryan isn’t eating well and in this short of time he has lost of lot of weight. He was maybe 140 pounds wet before his injury just from being in Iraq. He wasn’t eating much over there and he got so thin that his wedding ring fell off.
Wednesday, August 2, 2006
Day 6 Heading to DC
August 2, 2006
I woke up early this morning because I had a feeling I would be leaving today. I called to check on Bryan and he is still doing ok. I will be leaving around 1 and should arrive around 3:00 in Washington, D.C.
I arrive at the Regan airport and couldn’t find my driver. I called the number they gave me but he was running late, of all days to be late! Finally he arrived and I sat in the back of the limo in a trance. I didn’t know what to expect and I wanted to get to my love. The driver decided to take the scenic route through downtown. I wasn’t too concerned with the scenery but I was glad that he was taking me where I needed to go.
I was told that I had to check in at the Mologne house and if they didn’t have a room for me that they would be sending me to a local hotel. I get there and there and there weren’t any rooms. They asked me if I had orders. I said no I had no idea where to get them. They said they are at the causality affairs office and when I asked where it was they said in the hospital. Apparently I must retrieve them before I can stay at the Mologne House. I am overwhelmed with all the documentation that I need.
The driver took me to the Crown Plaza and I begged for him to wait and take me right back to Walter Reed. I didn’t want to wait on the shuttle. I left my baggage at the front desk and got back in the car. He dropped me at the front of Walter Reed. I was told not to tip the driver but he waited for me so I gave him twenty dollars, it was the least I could do for taking me back here.
I knew Bryan was on Ward 57 so I headed to the 5th floor. The building was tall, old, and intimidating. I found the Ward and asked the front desk where my husband was. He was in the room right in front of the desk. I started to sweat, I had that empty feeling in my stomach, I didn’t know what to expect, I don’t remember eating all day, and I might get sick.
I walked in and there he lay with tubes running in his nose, vacuums, monitors and splints all over him. He has 5 wound vaccums on his legs to suck the blood and bone and tissue out and to close up he wound so he hopefully won't have tons of skin graphs. He sort of smiled at me and I kissed him on the cheek careful not to touch his bruised body or his busted lip. We sat and talked very quietly while he kept punching the button for more medicine. It is like I am a fog. I didn’t expect Bryan’s body to be bruised and I didn’t know what to say to him. From my training in school I know that talking about it can be very traumatic for him. I just held his hand and I was happy to be there with him. I didn’t know what to expect in the days ahead but I knew we would get through it day by day.
Bryan looks worse than I thought but I think he is going to be ok. I am going to stay the night with him even though they put me in a hotel. Later I found out I had to pay for out of pocket and get reimbursed later. Thankfully I had some money in savings and transferred it before we left. I can’t imagine doing this if we were lower enlisted with a couple kids as it is a 100 dollars a night.
His parents arrived a few hours after me. He is in a lot of pain and I have been trying to clean him up. The hospital barely has air conditioning so it is extremely hot and uncomfortable. Other than that we are trying to keep him comfortable. He had surgery this morning on his legs and wrist. I will know tomorrow what all they did. He had bloody skid marks all over his body where the shrapnel hit him. His right leg is in a wet cast up to his mid thigh, his other leg has a wet cast almost to his knee and right wrist is in a cast. I don't know where his wedding band or his rosary beads are and no one else knows either. He is really worried about his things. He wants them back. He seems really anxious and he is talking non-stop. I guess this is from the medicine.
I headed back to the hotel to print of my orders as they were e-mailed to me. I grabbed some pajamas and a toothbrush and rushed down to the lobby. I tried to print them off but the printer is out of ink. I asked for some and they said they would be right there. I waited about 10 minutes and then headed outside to catch the shuttle. As I am heading back to the hospital I have no idea where I am as I look around. I try to keep my eyes out for banks so that I can get money to eat while I am here. I have been to Washington, DC twice before but never have I seen any of this. I ask the driver where we are and he said Silver Springs, Maryland. I realized that it was in Montgomery County. Funny I went from one Montgomery County to the same county 700 miles away.
I get back into the room and I feel like I have been gone forever. I just want to be with him, hold him and make him feel that life will be alright.
I woke up early this morning because I had a feeling I would be leaving today. I called to check on Bryan and he is still doing ok. I will be leaving around 1 and should arrive around 3:00 in Washington, D.C.
I arrive at the Regan airport and couldn’t find my driver. I called the number they gave me but he was running late, of all days to be late! Finally he arrived and I sat in the back of the limo in a trance. I didn’t know what to expect and I wanted to get to my love. The driver decided to take the scenic route through downtown. I wasn’t too concerned with the scenery but I was glad that he was taking me where I needed to go.
I was told that I had to check in at the Mologne house and if they didn’t have a room for me that they would be sending me to a local hotel. I get there and there and there weren’t any rooms. They asked me if I had orders. I said no I had no idea where to get them. They said they are at the causality affairs office and when I asked where it was they said in the hospital. Apparently I must retrieve them before I can stay at the Mologne House. I am overwhelmed with all the documentation that I need.
The driver took me to the Crown Plaza and I begged for him to wait and take me right back to Walter Reed. I didn’t want to wait on the shuttle. I left my baggage at the front desk and got back in the car. He dropped me at the front of Walter Reed. I was told not to tip the driver but he waited for me so I gave him twenty dollars, it was the least I could do for taking me back here.
I knew Bryan was on Ward 57 so I headed to the 5th floor. The building was tall, old, and intimidating. I found the Ward and asked the front desk where my husband was. He was in the room right in front of the desk. I started to sweat, I had that empty feeling in my stomach, I didn’t know what to expect, I don’t remember eating all day, and I might get sick.
I walked in and there he lay with tubes running in his nose, vacuums, monitors and splints all over him. He has 5 wound vaccums on his legs to suck the blood and bone and tissue out and to close up he wound so he hopefully won't have tons of skin graphs. He sort of smiled at me and I kissed him on the cheek careful not to touch his bruised body or his busted lip. We sat and talked very quietly while he kept punching the button for more medicine. It is like I am a fog. I didn’t expect Bryan’s body to be bruised and I didn’t know what to say to him. From my training in school I know that talking about it can be very traumatic for him. I just held his hand and I was happy to be there with him. I didn’t know what to expect in the days ahead but I knew we would get through it day by day.
Bryan looks worse than I thought but I think he is going to be ok. I am going to stay the night with him even though they put me in a hotel. Later I found out I had to pay for out of pocket and get reimbursed later. Thankfully I had some money in savings and transferred it before we left. I can’t imagine doing this if we were lower enlisted with a couple kids as it is a 100 dollars a night.
His parents arrived a few hours after me. He is in a lot of pain and I have been trying to clean him up. The hospital barely has air conditioning so it is extremely hot and uncomfortable. Other than that we are trying to keep him comfortable. He had surgery this morning on his legs and wrist. I will know tomorrow what all they did. He had bloody skid marks all over his body where the shrapnel hit him. His right leg is in a wet cast up to his mid thigh, his other leg has a wet cast almost to his knee and right wrist is in a cast. I don't know where his wedding band or his rosary beads are and no one else knows either. He is really worried about his things. He wants them back. He seems really anxious and he is talking non-stop. I guess this is from the medicine.
I headed back to the hotel to print of my orders as they were e-mailed to me. I grabbed some pajamas and a toothbrush and rushed down to the lobby. I tried to print them off but the printer is out of ink. I asked for some and they said they would be right there. I waited about 10 minutes and then headed outside to catch the shuttle. As I am heading back to the hospital I have no idea where I am as I look around. I try to keep my eyes out for banks so that I can get money to eat while I am here. I have been to Washington, DC twice before but never have I seen any of this. I ask the driver where we are and he said Silver Springs, Maryland. I realized that it was in Montgomery County. Funny I went from one Montgomery County to the same county 700 miles away.
I get back into the room and I feel like I have been gone forever. I just want to be with him, hold him and make him feel that life will be alright.
Tuesday, August 1, 2006
Day 5 Has he Arrived in the States?
August 1, 2006
Well I waited all day to hear if Bryan had made it to Walter Reed. No one called me and it was a very long and anxious day. Nonetheless I did get a call at 8:45 p.m. it was the nurse who was caring for Bryan. He was at Walter Reed and was in some pain. They did x-rays on him which caused some pain from the moving around. He had another surgery when he got there to flush out the wounds. He will be getting another one in the morning. After that they hope to get him out of ICU and they want to start feeding him. He is still on oxygen and he will continue to be on it to keep him comfortable. Bryan was really worried about them contacting me. I told the nurse no one updated me all day. He also has a self-administering pump so that he can punch the button when he needs more pain meds. Other than that they have no idea when I will get there or even how to go about it. His nurse has only worked there 2 months and when I asked when I would get a plane ticket to fly out there he said "I moved here from another state and they didn't fly me up here for the interview so I don't think they will fly you here." Are you kidding me? There is a huge difference between an interview and your husband getting blown up. He said he would try to contact the Chaplin tonight to get the ball rolling and I should hear something sometime in the morning.
This has been a day from hell. Pray I get there as soon as I can. The waiting is driving me crazy.
A local military wife and her friend came by tonight to drop me off a goody bag. It was so kind of them and I am sure I will drink the wine, use the papa johns gift card, and the blockbuster card. They were so thoughtful and I appreciated it.
Well I waited all day to hear if Bryan had made it to Walter Reed. No one called me and it was a very long and anxious day. Nonetheless I did get a call at 8:45 p.m. it was the nurse who was caring for Bryan. He was at Walter Reed and was in some pain. They did x-rays on him which caused some pain from the moving around. He had another surgery when he got there to flush out the wounds. He will be getting another one in the morning. After that they hope to get him out of ICU and they want to start feeding him. He is still on oxygen and he will continue to be on it to keep him comfortable. Bryan was really worried about them contacting me. I told the nurse no one updated me all day. He also has a self-administering pump so that he can punch the button when he needs more pain meds. Other than that they have no idea when I will get there or even how to go about it. His nurse has only worked there 2 months and when I asked when I would get a plane ticket to fly out there he said "I moved here from another state and they didn't fly me up here for the interview so I don't think they will fly you here." Are you kidding me? There is a huge difference between an interview and your husband getting blown up. He said he would try to contact the Chaplin tonight to get the ball rolling and I should hear something sometime in the morning.
This has been a day from hell. Pray I get there as soon as I can. The waiting is driving me crazy.
A local military wife and her friend came by tonight to drop me off a goody bag. It was so kind of them and I am sure I will drink the wine, use the papa johns gift card, and the blockbuster card. They were so thoughtful and I appreciated it.
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