July 31st, 2006
I spoke to the nurse this morning that is caring for Bryan in Germany and she stated that he got out of surgery at about 6:30 this morning. They tried to take him off the ventilator but he failed to breathe on his own. They said this is normal considering how sedated he is. He only says he is in pain when the nurse asks him but he mainly sleeps. The doctor called me about 30 minutes ago and said the same thing. They are going to try and take him off the vent again this afternoon. By tomorrow they want to fly him to the states. Most likely he will be going to Walter Reed in Washington D.C. and I will fly there as soon as I get the word. I will give more updates as I can. Please continue to pray and pray that he gets off the vent.
I got a call earlier from Bryan's Physicians Assistant that took care of him in Iraq. He gave me the story of all the soldiers lined up to give blood. He said they were fighting over who was going to give first and they were cutting line. He told the story and was so emotional. For some reason I have not been that emotional. I guess because I am so thankful that he is alive and there is no reason to be crying all the time because I won’t be able to hear what they say when he calls or remember what they are telling me. His story did however make me tear up.
I talked to the hospital and he has the vent out and is breathing on his own. They transferred me to his room and I talked to him. I had the nurse wake him because I couldn't stand not talking to him if he were able. He answered and I said I love you and he said it back. I was trying to hear the best that I could but his voice was quiet and raspy. He said this is as loud as I get and he was slurring. I asked him if he was in a lot of pain and he said yes. He said he had something on his head but I couldn't understand what he said, he said it three times and all I could get out is that there was a visor on his head but I am not sure what it was. Anyways I told him I was going to get to see him soon and I was excited. I asked him if he was excited and he said of course I am excited silly. Then he said he had to go because he was nauseous and he said he loved me. I hate I made him sick but I had to talk to him. He still had his sense of humor so that is good. I guess the drugs are doing their job and keeping the pain at bay.
They will be moving him to the states tomorrow and I will get orders to go as soon as the doc says it's ok and I will leave within 48 hours after that.
They will do surgery on his ankle in the states. I am so glad I talked to him.
So this is interesting. Just got a call after I talked to Bryan and it was the Dept. Of the Army. The man who I had talked to several times before was giving me an "update". He informed me that Bryan had a stint and LED put in his heart. I was freaking out asking when this happened and he said earlier today before he talked to you. He said he had plaque in his arteries. I said well I want to call back to the ICU. He said he is not supposed to transfer me more than once a day but he did anyway. The nurse said this DID NOT happen to Bryan he had the wrong patient. I was so relieved I almost had a heart attack myself as I have been flipping out this whole time. Anyways I called back up there and tried to talk to this master sergeant but another guy answered. I said I would wait for the guy I spoke with to get off the phone. He came back and informed me that he would be on the phone for a while. So I left a message explaining what he did. The guy got all mad at me and said they aren't even supposed to give that many details to the family. The man called back and apologized. Talk about miscommunication! WHEW I am so relieved it was not him.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Day 3 Can I be where he is yet?
July 30th, 2006
I have begun to pack my things early this morning. I can’t sleep and tried calling the nurses in Landstuhl but the number I have is a DSN number and I don’t have one of those phones. I guess I have to wait for them to call me. I made a list of all the bills that I needed to pay while I was gone from my home for an unknown amount of time. I got Bryan’s license together and other things that he might need. I am ready to get my flight and on my way to see him. I e-mailed my boss to call me when she got in to work so I could tell her I wouldn’t be returning. Mom is outside mowing the grass while I chain smoke cigarettes (even though I quit a year ago) while I wait by the phone.
I got a Hero Handbook from the Family Readiness Leader (FRG) that said everything I needed to know about caring for my wounded husband at Walter Reed. I printed the manual off and read it over and over. I am so confused with orders, non-medical attendant, and all these other acronyms that I haven’t heard of in my 5 years of dating a soldier. It’s all so different.
Bryan’s parents went to church this morning they put Bryan on multiple prayer lists. I don’t have the energy to go to church but I am praying for Bryan non-stop. I didn’t expect to be dealing with such a life crises at the age of 24. It’s all overwhelming.
I can tell that I am getting snappy with my mom. I can’t help it but I don’t want to hear the story over and over. I don’t want to eat. I am miserable and I guess I am taking it out on her. I hope she will understand later that I don’t mean it.
I have begun to pack my things early this morning. I can’t sleep and tried calling the nurses in Landstuhl but the number I have is a DSN number and I don’t have one of those phones. I guess I have to wait for them to call me. I made a list of all the bills that I needed to pay while I was gone from my home for an unknown amount of time. I got Bryan’s license together and other things that he might need. I am ready to get my flight and on my way to see him. I e-mailed my boss to call me when she got in to work so I could tell her I wouldn’t be returning. Mom is outside mowing the grass while I chain smoke cigarettes (even though I quit a year ago) while I wait by the phone.
I got a Hero Handbook from the Family Readiness Leader (FRG) that said everything I needed to know about caring for my wounded husband at Walter Reed. I printed the manual off and read it over and over. I am so confused with orders, non-medical attendant, and all these other acronyms that I haven’t heard of in my 5 years of dating a soldier. It’s all so different.
Bryan’s parents went to church this morning they put Bryan on multiple prayer lists. I don’t have the energy to go to church but I am praying for Bryan non-stop. I didn’t expect to be dealing with such a life crises at the age of 24. It’s all overwhelming.
I can tell that I am getting snappy with my mom. I can’t help it but I don’t want to hear the story over and over. I don’t want to eat. I am miserable and I guess I am taking it out on her. I hope she will understand later that I don’t mean it.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Day 2...the longest day in existance
July 29th, 2006
It has been a long night and a long morning. Every time I think of Bryan I get knots and butterflies in my stomach. I am a nervous wreck I can’t eat. I am tired of hearing my family members tell the story over and over again. I had nightmares when I did sleep about some of Bryan’s soldiers being injured as well. I forgot to ask about them I am so mad I didn't think of them too. I received an e-mail from Bryan’s medic Dave that was in the convoy when Bryan was hit. He said that Bryan was a stud on how he handled the injuries. He said he was alert and kept telling everyone to call me. He said he didn’t know the extent of his injuries but was sure that he was being taken care of. I had a million questions for Dave but he didn’t really know the answers to the things I was asking. I am sure it was hard for him see it.
What will this all mean for us in the end? Is he still going to be able to work and support us? Is he going to have medical insurance? No one will pick him up with all of these conditions.
Bryan's parents keep calling for information. I don't have enough phone lines for all of these calls. They are pouring in. I tell her what information I have but other than his current state I have no idea what his prognosis is.
I am feeling guilty, the night Bryan got injured Mom and I were discussing how Bryan's squad is the only one in his unit that hadn't been hit. Bryan is superstitious over here and if he knew this he would be upset. I was going to send him some party supplies so they could have a big party the night of their last mission with decorations and Bryan was going to buy the guys some pizza. It will never happen.
Bryan has to be in pain and I have not spoken to him. I want to be by his side. That is the hardest part; I have to wait for him to get in the States and then be flown wherever to see him. There are so many what ifs, I am not sure if he will ever be the same. Bryan had written me an "in case I die note" during the first deployment. He had written on several torn pieces of paper that had drawing on the back. Bryan had sent it to his mother and she sent it to me. It was written in past tense and I thought this was some kind of break up letter. When he called like two weeks later I asked him why he sent this letter saying he hoped one day to marry me, etc. I was crying and asking if he was breaking up with me. He was so confused when he asked where I got the letter from. I explained his mother had sent it to me. He couldn't believe that his mother sent his "in case he died letter" when he was very specific to not send it to me unless he didn't come home. I am glad I didn't need that letter after all, that he survived and that he will never have to go over there again.
Today my family took me out and made me eat something. The couple Liz and Paul, whom I babysit for is aware of the situation and Paul is a M.D. and is in Ballad where Bryan is now at. He got someone to cover his shift and said he was going to see Bryan. While on my way to lunch I got a call from Paul telling me how Bryan was. He said he was completely drugged up and sleeping peacefully. They were keeping him highly medicated because he was intubated. He was very swollen from all the fluids that he was given and the blood transfusions. I was so grateful that a friend laid eyes on him and that was reassuring. At lunch I got a call from the Department of the Army. They were working on an emergency passport for me should I have to fly to see Bryan in Germany. Hopefully they don’t fly me there because that means he is not stable enough and might not make it possibly. Later on in the day I got an e-mail from my FRG leader that stated that Bryan had arrived in Landstuhl, Germany. He was currently in the ICU. I want to speak with him but he is still intubated.
I received this e-mail from Bryan’s Medic and dear friend who was there when Bryan was injured.
Cheryl,Now that you've been properly informed, I wanted to drop a line and tell you what a !STUD! your husband was during the whole ordeal! I was the first guy on him after it happened and he was the "voice of sensibility" in the incident. He was awake, aware and did a great job keeping me informed of how he was feeling, what hurt, etc..etc. For what happened, things could not have went better or smoother and alot of that had to do with his guidance and demeanor.I was relieved to hear how well Bryan was when we got back, and your right...he is BLESSED. IM glad all thing are going well with him now, and hope that soon he will be back home and in your care (where he belongs) I hope all is as well as can be back home, and I’m elated to hear you have your mother with you during this time. If there is anything I can do for you from here, feel free to write me here. I pray for the well being of Him, you, and your families. D
This is what I wrote in response.
Oh My God what a relief. I was praying you were there with him. I was just hoping. Was PFC L driving? I have been praying that both of you were safe. Bryan should be heading to Germany in the morning. Does he look ok? I am worried about him as I am sure you have assumed. I appreciate beyond words you taking care of him. What a blessing. See I knew there was a reason you got put back on the missions with him. I am hanging in here and I am ready to see my baby. I hope you all are coping with it as well as you can as I know it was traumatizing for you all as well.Hang in there.
It has been a long night and a long morning. Every time I think of Bryan I get knots and butterflies in my stomach. I am a nervous wreck I can’t eat. I am tired of hearing my family members tell the story over and over again. I had nightmares when I did sleep about some of Bryan’s soldiers being injured as well. I forgot to ask about them I am so mad I didn't think of them too. I received an e-mail from Bryan’s medic Dave that was in the convoy when Bryan was hit. He said that Bryan was a stud on how he handled the injuries. He said he was alert and kept telling everyone to call me. He said he didn’t know the extent of his injuries but was sure that he was being taken care of. I had a million questions for Dave but he didn’t really know the answers to the things I was asking. I am sure it was hard for him see it.
What will this all mean for us in the end? Is he still going to be able to work and support us? Is he going to have medical insurance? No one will pick him up with all of these conditions.
Bryan's parents keep calling for information. I don't have enough phone lines for all of these calls. They are pouring in. I tell her what information I have but other than his current state I have no idea what his prognosis is.
I am feeling guilty, the night Bryan got injured Mom and I were discussing how Bryan's squad is the only one in his unit that hadn't been hit. Bryan is superstitious over here and if he knew this he would be upset. I was going to send him some party supplies so they could have a big party the night of their last mission with decorations and Bryan was going to buy the guys some pizza. It will never happen.
Bryan has to be in pain and I have not spoken to him. I want to be by his side. That is the hardest part; I have to wait for him to get in the States and then be flown wherever to see him. There are so many what ifs, I am not sure if he will ever be the same. Bryan had written me an "in case I die note" during the first deployment. He had written on several torn pieces of paper that had drawing on the back. Bryan had sent it to his mother and she sent it to me. It was written in past tense and I thought this was some kind of break up letter. When he called like two weeks later I asked him why he sent this letter saying he hoped one day to marry me, etc. I was crying and asking if he was breaking up with me. He was so confused when he asked where I got the letter from. I explained his mother had sent it to me. He couldn't believe that his mother sent his "in case he died letter" when he was very specific to not send it to me unless he didn't come home. I am glad I didn't need that letter after all, that he survived and that he will never have to go over there again.
Today my family took me out and made me eat something. The couple Liz and Paul, whom I babysit for is aware of the situation and Paul is a M.D. and is in Ballad where Bryan is now at. He got someone to cover his shift and said he was going to see Bryan. While on my way to lunch I got a call from Paul telling me how Bryan was. He said he was completely drugged up and sleeping peacefully. They were keeping him highly medicated because he was intubated. He was very swollen from all the fluids that he was given and the blood transfusions. I was so grateful that a friend laid eyes on him and that was reassuring. At lunch I got a call from the Department of the Army. They were working on an emergency passport for me should I have to fly to see Bryan in Germany. Hopefully they don’t fly me there because that means he is not stable enough and might not make it possibly. Later on in the day I got an e-mail from my FRG leader that stated that Bryan had arrived in Landstuhl, Germany. He was currently in the ICU. I want to speak with him but he is still intubated.
I received this e-mail from Bryan’s Medic and dear friend who was there when Bryan was injured.
Cheryl,Now that you've been properly informed, I wanted to drop a line and tell you what a !STUD! your husband was during the whole ordeal! I was the first guy on him after it happened and he was the "voice of sensibility" in the incident. He was awake, aware and did a great job keeping me informed of how he was feeling, what hurt, etc..etc. For what happened, things could not have went better or smoother and alot of that had to do with his guidance and demeanor.I was relieved to hear how well Bryan was when we got back, and your right...he is BLESSED. IM glad all thing are going well with him now, and hope that soon he will be back home and in your care (where he belongs) I hope all is as well as can be back home, and I’m elated to hear you have your mother with you during this time. If there is anything I can do for you from here, feel free to write me here. I pray for the well being of Him, you, and your families. D
This is what I wrote in response.
Oh My God what a relief. I was praying you were there with him. I was just hoping. Was PFC L driving? I have been praying that both of you were safe. Bryan should be heading to Germany in the morning. Does he look ok? I am worried about him as I am sure you have assumed. I appreciate beyond words you taking care of him. What a blessing. See I knew there was a reason you got put back on the missions with him. I am hanging in here and I am ready to see my baby. I hope you all are coping with it as well as you can as I know it was traumatizing for you all as well.Hang in there.
Friday, July 28, 2006
The Devistating Call
July 28th, 2006
It’s 3 a.m. and the phone is ringing. Bryan hardly ever calls in the middle of the night anymore. My heart is pounding as I look at the caller i.d. I know it’s not Bryan it can’t be that is not the number he usually calls from, my heart stops. I answered the call from Iraq, “Mrs. Gansner, this is LTC H, your husband SSG Gansner has been injured by an IED. He was bleeding very badly and had to have several blood transfusions. Thus far he has not lost any limbs and is in fairly stable condition.”
The LTC who called me personally donated blood to my husband as well as another Sergeant Major. There were 40 people lined up to give blood. They did not have enough blood for what Bryan’s body needed and he kept expelling it so they needed people to donate who matched his type. Bryan was cognizant enough to tell them to call me right away as my mother was here because she took me to the doctor the day before, so he wanted me to be told the news while my mother was here. Luckily I asked her to stay another night and she was here with me when I got the news. All I could say to him was ok after everything he told me; I couldn’t manage anything other than that. I went into the guest bedroom to inform my mom of what I knew. My heart was pounding as I knelt on my knees to tell her what had happened to my precious husband. My mother knew that something was amiss when she heard the phone ring and couldn’t really hear me saying anything back.
Bryan shattered both of his heels as the Improvised Explosive Device came through the bottom of the passenger side of the HMMWV where Bryan was sitting. He was the truck commander and blacked out after the IED detonated. He shattered his right ankle on both sides. He fractured his right wrist and there was a lot of shrapnel damage. The worst of his injuries were to his right side. He is blessed he is alive.
He is currently in Ballad at the hospital. He underwent surgery and still has a tube down his throat. As soon as that is removed he will call. I just heard from Rear D and they said he has shrapnel damage to his right leg, left inner thigh, and right wrist. The shrapnel probably caused the majority of the bleeding. No one else in the vehicle was injured. From Ballad he will head to Germany. If he is stable from there he will either go to Texas or to Ft. Campbell. I will be blessed if he is sent here.
I sent this out in an e-mail from family and friends with the subject title of “Devastating News”. The response was powerful and everyone is praying for me. I know that some of the Army wives whose husbands are deployed are thinking poor Cheryl; I hope that doesn’t happen to me. I haven’t really broken down and cried. I think that I am in shock. I had to call Bryan’s parents I knew they weren’t on the emergency call list so I knew what I had to do. I was not sure how his mother would take it. I called and she answered on the second ring. I told her I had to talk to her and then I told her the story. She didn’t cry I guess she was in shock too. I told her I should have more information in the A.M. and I would call with the important facts. That was not something I wanted to tell the mother of my husband but I am glad I got the call and not her. I was able to recall the facts and keep them straight. Plus the fact that I know about the military jargon and the military process for the wounded made it easier.
I called my sister after I calmed down and got my senses but she didn’t answer. I then called my dad. He said he had been up for a couple of hours and couldn’t go back to sleep. He had a feeling something was wrong. I am not sure how I am re-telling this story. I am not crying but I shake when I tell the story. I get these butterflies in my stomach that won’t stop. I sit on my bed just shaking re-counting that call over and over. I try to go back to sleep. I fall into one of those half conscious sleeps and I dream that some of Bryan’s soldiers were injured as well. I see blood and limbs that are torn up. It is scary. Am I having some PTSD at this moment, I am not sure but I want the dreams to stop so I don’t sleep.
Once everyone woke up and read their e-mails I started getting a flood of e-mails and calls. My best friend S called and left a message and she started breaking down and crying. I started to loose it. My friends don’t know what to say to me, I don’t know that I would know what to say to me. I am scared. My mom keeps telling the story on the phone to friends and family. I want to scream I am tired of hearing it all over again. I keep hearing the LTC’s voice telling me story over and over again. My mom asks me if it is ok if my cousins come over. I said sure. They were comforting they didn’t press me to know every detail they let me tell it when I felt like it. I can’t eat I don’t want to eat. I am a bundle of nerves. Every five minutes I am getting phone calls from the Army, from the hospital, from everyone.
This is a letter from the doctor who operated on Bryan. ALCON: I just left EMEDs and SGT Gansners side. He is doing extremely well this a.m. He apparently gave up his fight with us in regards to his blood pressure and had finally returned to normal. Currently he is still intubated (tube in his throat) and on a ventilator (machine breathing for him), but extremely stable. He will need ICU care and possibly several surgeries and washouts over the next few days. It is still fully anticipated that he will keep both his legs and is in no danger, other than the typical surgical dangers, at this time. His total counts of injuries were: severe lacerations to the right thigh, lower leg and arm. Both heels broken. Right ankle broken on both sides. Completely open knee joint. While this all sounds bad, it is significantly better than we have seen recently in incidents similar to this. I expect him to be at Balad for no longer than 2 days and then move on to Germany. From there it will be a matter of how well he is / has been doing as to how long he is there. Then it will be a matter of how extensive his rehab and recovery will need to be whether they send him to Walter Reed or BACH.
I am planning on spending the majority of the day down to recover from last night, but LT H will be tracking his status and I will have another update at net call tonight.
I would like to commend the BN for their heroic response to last nights call for blood. We have proven once again that this BN has its head in the game in the right manner and is ALWAYS willing to sacrifice what is needed for their fellows. It was very moving to come out of surgery after 5 hours and see that extremely large group of troops, transcendent of rank, standing in line and jockeying for position to give blood for SGT Gansner. You are all my heroes and I couldn't be more proud to be in this BN. Thank you all for your efforts and concerns. I will have more tonight for you all.
Doc
It’s 3 a.m. and the phone is ringing. Bryan hardly ever calls in the middle of the night anymore. My heart is pounding as I look at the caller i.d. I know it’s not Bryan it can’t be that is not the number he usually calls from, my heart stops. I answered the call from Iraq, “Mrs. Gansner, this is LTC H, your husband SSG Gansner has been injured by an IED. He was bleeding very badly and had to have several blood transfusions. Thus far he has not lost any limbs and is in fairly stable condition.”
The LTC who called me personally donated blood to my husband as well as another Sergeant Major. There were 40 people lined up to give blood. They did not have enough blood for what Bryan’s body needed and he kept expelling it so they needed people to donate who matched his type. Bryan was cognizant enough to tell them to call me right away as my mother was here because she took me to the doctor the day before, so he wanted me to be told the news while my mother was here. Luckily I asked her to stay another night and she was here with me when I got the news. All I could say to him was ok after everything he told me; I couldn’t manage anything other than that. I went into the guest bedroom to inform my mom of what I knew. My heart was pounding as I knelt on my knees to tell her what had happened to my precious husband. My mother knew that something was amiss when she heard the phone ring and couldn’t really hear me saying anything back.
Bryan shattered both of his heels as the Improvised Explosive Device came through the bottom of the passenger side of the HMMWV where Bryan was sitting. He was the truck commander and blacked out after the IED detonated. He shattered his right ankle on both sides. He fractured his right wrist and there was a lot of shrapnel damage. The worst of his injuries were to his right side. He is blessed he is alive.
He is currently in Ballad at the hospital. He underwent surgery and still has a tube down his throat. As soon as that is removed he will call. I just heard from Rear D and they said he has shrapnel damage to his right leg, left inner thigh, and right wrist. The shrapnel probably caused the majority of the bleeding. No one else in the vehicle was injured. From Ballad he will head to Germany. If he is stable from there he will either go to Texas or to Ft. Campbell. I will be blessed if he is sent here.
I sent this out in an e-mail from family and friends with the subject title of “Devastating News”. The response was powerful and everyone is praying for me. I know that some of the Army wives whose husbands are deployed are thinking poor Cheryl; I hope that doesn’t happen to me. I haven’t really broken down and cried. I think that I am in shock. I had to call Bryan’s parents I knew they weren’t on the emergency call list so I knew what I had to do. I was not sure how his mother would take it. I called and she answered on the second ring. I told her I had to talk to her and then I told her the story. She didn’t cry I guess she was in shock too. I told her I should have more information in the A.M. and I would call with the important facts. That was not something I wanted to tell the mother of my husband but I am glad I got the call and not her. I was able to recall the facts and keep them straight. Plus the fact that I know about the military jargon and the military process for the wounded made it easier.
I called my sister after I calmed down and got my senses but she didn’t answer. I then called my dad. He said he had been up for a couple of hours and couldn’t go back to sleep. He had a feeling something was wrong. I am not sure how I am re-telling this story. I am not crying but I shake when I tell the story. I get these butterflies in my stomach that won’t stop. I sit on my bed just shaking re-counting that call over and over. I try to go back to sleep. I fall into one of those half conscious sleeps and I dream that some of Bryan’s soldiers were injured as well. I see blood and limbs that are torn up. It is scary. Am I having some PTSD at this moment, I am not sure but I want the dreams to stop so I don’t sleep.
Once everyone woke up and read their e-mails I started getting a flood of e-mails and calls. My best friend S called and left a message and she started breaking down and crying. I started to loose it. My friends don’t know what to say to me, I don’t know that I would know what to say to me. I am scared. My mom keeps telling the story on the phone to friends and family. I want to scream I am tired of hearing it all over again. I keep hearing the LTC’s voice telling me story over and over again. My mom asks me if it is ok if my cousins come over. I said sure. They were comforting they didn’t press me to know every detail they let me tell it when I felt like it. I can’t eat I don’t want to eat. I am a bundle of nerves. Every five minutes I am getting phone calls from the Army, from the hospital, from everyone.
This is a letter from the doctor who operated on Bryan. ALCON: I just left EMEDs and SGT Gansners side. He is doing extremely well this a.m. He apparently gave up his fight with us in regards to his blood pressure and had finally returned to normal. Currently he is still intubated (tube in his throat) and on a ventilator (machine breathing for him), but extremely stable. He will need ICU care and possibly several surgeries and washouts over the next few days. It is still fully anticipated that he will keep both his legs and is in no danger, other than the typical surgical dangers, at this time. His total counts of injuries were: severe lacerations to the right thigh, lower leg and arm. Both heels broken. Right ankle broken on both sides. Completely open knee joint. While this all sounds bad, it is significantly better than we have seen recently in incidents similar to this. I expect him to be at Balad for no longer than 2 days and then move on to Germany. From there it will be a matter of how well he is / has been doing as to how long he is there. Then it will be a matter of how extensive his rehab and recovery will need to be whether they send him to Walter Reed or BACH.
I am planning on spending the majority of the day down to recover from last night, but LT H will be tracking his status and I will have another update at net call tonight.
I would like to commend the BN for their heroic response to last nights call for blood. We have proven once again that this BN has its head in the game in the right manner and is ALWAYS willing to sacrifice what is needed for their fellows. It was very moving to come out of surgery after 5 hours and see that extremely large group of troops, transcendent of rank, standing in line and jockeying for position to give blood for SGT Gansner. You are all my heroes and I couldn't be more proud to be in this BN. Thank you all for your efforts and concerns. I will have more tonight for you all.
Doc
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